


The Seven Year Itch

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-02
Updated: 2008-04-09
Packaged: 2019-01-19 19:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12416919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: AU. Lily Evans is in her final year in Hogwarts. She‘s Head Girl and she‘s looking forward to having a quiet year, as the Marauders have finally graduated. But her hopes are shattered as she finds out who the new DADA-teacher is...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_Chapter 1_

 

Lily Evans sighed contentedly as she boarded the Hogwarts Express. It was her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, she was Head Girl and those damned Marauders had finally graduated.

 

She walked up the corridor, looking for an empty compartment. Having found one, she pushed open the door and looked around for her best friend.

 

“Dorcas!“ she yelled to a tall, slender girl with long brown hair. “Dorcas!“

 

Dorcas Meadowes joined her, dragging her heavy trunk behind her.

 

“Found a compartment?“ she asked, and without waiting for an answer, she put her trunk in her compartment and sat down.

 

"Uhm... I've got to go to the Prefect compartment-" 

 

“Yeah, go off, Head Girl. Make me proud,“ Dorcas said, lying down on the seats.

 

Lily waved to her one last time and then she was off. On her way to the Prefect compartment, she met a lot of people she knew and many of her friends. When she entered the compartment, she was greeted with applause. Lily was rather popular as she was a friendly person and someone you could come to with your problems. But she could get rather angry when she was provoked.

 

The Head Boy was Benjy Fenwick, a nice and funny Ravenclaw. He and Lily were soon finished giving out directions to the prefects. They got along well as Benjy was the cousin of Lily‘s friend Julie, who was in Gryffindor with her. They walked down the corridor together, chatting.

 

“The Head Boy‘s a Ravenclaw this year and the Head Girl‘s a Gryffindor,“ Benjy contemplated. “We‘re gonna give the Slytherins hell!“

 

“Benjy!“ Lily said reprovingly. “They‘re not all bad!“

 

“But almost,“ he muttered. Lily shook her head, grinning slightly.

 

“See you, Benjy,“ she said, “here‘s my compartment. But leave the Slytherins alone!“

 

“Sure,“ he said, smirking. Lily sighed.

 

“Why do I have the feeling you‘re not serious about this?“ she asked.

 

Benjy gave her one last grin and went to find his friends.

 

“Lily! Lily!“ Before she could see who it was, she was practically strangled by someone ‘hugging‘ her.

 

“Julie?“

 

Julie grinned, letting go off Lily and flipping her long dirty blond hair over her shoulder.

 

“How‘s your summer been?“

 

“You mean apart from the fact that Petunia kept tormenting me and bringing her stupid boyfriend over to our house? Oh, I was having a jolly time.“

 

“Mine was really cool. We went to France and-“

 

“Yeah, that‘s right,“ Lily said sarcastically. “Depress me by telling me how great your holidays were while I was stuck at home with-“

 

She was interrupted by Dorcas who screamed, “Will you come into the damn compartment already?“

 

They went into the compartment where two other friends of hers were sitting, Sally and Helen from Ravenclaw. Sally was a prefect, so Lily had already met her in the Prefect meeting before. She hugged Helen, asking, “How was your holiday?“

 

“Alright,“ she said, “we went to Italy.“

 

They spent the whole train ride talking and eating sweets. When it became dark outside, they changed into their school robes.

 

“So our little Lily is Head Girl,“ Sally said, clutching at her heart.

 

“My baby is grown!“ Dorcas cried in mock pride, pressing Lily against her chest.

 

“Dorcas, can I take my face out of your boobs now, please?“ Lily asked, her voice sounding muffled while the others laughed.

 

“She wants me to let go off her,“ Dorcas whispered, hiding her face in her hands. “My baby‘s gonna leave me!“

 

Lily snorted. “Cut the crap, Dorky.“

 

She smirked as Dorcas tried to kick her in the shins, leaving the compartment as the train came to a stop.

 

“Oh, Lily,“ Julie sighed. “You know what just comes to my mind? Snape graduated!“

 

“So?“ Helen asked, her brows furrowed.

 

“He was the sexiest guy in school,“ Lily said, grinning as she saw Helen‘s disgusted look.

 

“I will be so lovesick now that he‘s away,“ Julie moaned theatrically.

 

“I won‘t,“ Lily said in a sing-sang voice as the girls made their way over to the carriages. “I already have a new lover!“

 

“Who, James Potter?“ Dorcas asked cynically.

 

Lily glared at her before smirking. “No, Professor Slughorn.“

 

The girls burst into laughter.

 

“You know,“ Lily said when she sat in a carriage with Julie and Dorcas. “I think this year is going to be really great.“

 

“Why?“ Julie asked.

 

Dorcas snorted. “Because Potter is away now.“

 

James Potter had been Head Boy last year. Until his sixth year, he had been infatuated with Lily, but when she had constantly turned down his offers to go out with him, he had started to prank and hex her. As Head Boy, he had had the right to give out detentions and dock points and so he had given Lily detention on every opportunity. Luckily, the Head Girl, Alice Daley, had been a friend of hers and had gotten her out of most of the detentions. Which had made Potter prank Lily even more.

 

“Well, I can understand her!“ Julie said. “That prick was picking on her constantly!“

 

“Without any reason at all, I might add,“ Lily said.

 

“Well, if you had just given him a kick in the balls-“ Dorcas began, but Lily cut her off.

 

“Yeah, violence is really likely to solve anything!“ she snapped sarcastically.

 

“Maybe, in this case,“ Dorcas answered. swirling a strand of hair around her right index finger.

 

“Whatever,“ Lily mumbled. “I‘m glad he‘s gone.“

 

“So am I,“ Julie agreed.

 

“What? I didn‘t like him either!“ Dorcas exclaimed as Lily and Julie glared at her accusingly.

 

XXX

 

“Zabini, Leanna!“ Professor McGonagall called out. A small girl with black, curly hair sat down on the chair, fear apparent on her face. After a few seconds, the hat yelled,

 

“RAVENCLAW!“

 

The Ravenclaws applauded while McGonagall took the hat and the stool away. Professor Dumbledore got up, looking at the students. Lily had been looking through her chocolate frog cards, but when she looked up at Dumbledore, they slipped out of her hands. She ducked under the table, collecting them.

 

“Welcome back!“ she heard Dumbledore say. “Before we start our delicious meal, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, the Head Boy this year is Benjy Fenwick from Ravenclaw, and our Head Girl is Lily Evans from Gryffindor.“

 

The students started clapping their hands.

 

“Lily!“ Dorcas hissed. “Stand up!“

 

Lily hit her head on the table. She quickly appeared from under the table.

 

“I‘m here!“ she called, smiling brightly. She heard the other students snicker while clapping. Looking at the High Table, she saw Professor McGonagall glaring at her. But when she looked at Professor Dumbledore, he was clearly amused. She beamed at him, and he smiled back.

 

She sat down again. Dumbledore continued.

 

“The second matter,“ he said as Lily ducked under the table again to collect the cards which where still lying on the floor, “is that our old teacher for Defence Against The Dark Arts, Professor Lerby, cannot continue his work here. The new teacher for Defence is-“

 

The rest of his words couldn‘t be heard as the whole Gryffindor table, as well as most of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs had starting clapping frantically and roaring with enthusiasm.

 

“Oh no!“ Dorcas whispered. “Lily, come up, you‘ve got to see this, oh no...“

 

“What‘s the matter?“ Lily asked, sitting on the bench again as she pocketed her cards.

 

“The new teacher!“ Dorcas said.

 

And as Lily saw who exactly the new DADA-teacher was, her scream of horror was louder than the applause of her housemates.

 

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!“

 

XXX

 

“What am I going to do? What the hell am I going to do?“ Lily whispered over and over again, feeling the strong urge to bang her head on the nearest wall.

 

“Well, technically there‘s nothing you can do,“ Dorcas said pragmatically. “He‘s your teacher. And if you do anything, he‘ll give you detention for a month.“

 

“During which he‘ll probably make you scrub the floor in the dungeons with a toothbrush,“ Julie added.

 

“Great,“ Lily moaned. “Why? Why? I have the worst luck in the world!“

 

“Why so depressed, Evans?“ 

 

Lily whipped around. Standing behind her was the cause for her ‘depression‘, James Potter.

 

“You know exactly why!“

 

Potter smirked at her. “Please enlighten me.“

 

“You just came back to Hogwarts to spite me!“

 

That was childish and Lily knew it, but she didn‘t care. She would have to spend a year with James Potter as her teacher. Lily was sure that she was going to fail her NEWTs because he would give her so much detention that she wouldn‘t have any time to study.

 

“Evans, do you really think you‘re the most important person in the world?“ he drawled.

 

Lily was on the verge on shouting insults in his face, but she refrained from it. Now that he was her teacher, he could make her life a living hell. No, she corrected herself, _that‘s what he already did last year. Now he can make it even worse..._

 

She turned on her heel, storming away. Julie and Dorcas followed her. James Potter stood there, staring puzzled at her retreating back. Normally, she would have let get her temper the better of her and screamed at him. _But_ , he grimly thought, _it won‘t stay like this._ James Potter knew which buttons he had to push to make Lily Evans blow up.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_  
  
When Lily woke up the next morning, she didn‘t know why the hell she felt so bad about getting up... but then everything came rushing back to her. Moaning, she drew her blanket over her head.

  
  
“What‘s the matter, Lils?“ Dorcas asked.

  
  
Julie snorted. “Must you ask? She doesn‘t want to meet Potter again.“

  
  
“Oh, don‘t worry, Lily. When he picks on you or treats you unjust, you just go to McGonagall or Dumbledore,“ Dorcas said reassuring.

  
  
“Great,“ Lily murmured.

  
  
At breakfast, Lily pointedly avoided looking at the High Table. When Professor McGonagall gave her her timetable, she said, “Miss Evans, the first prefect meeting is on September 12th. Could you tell the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff prefects? Mr Fenwick will tell the Ravenclaw and Slytherin prefects.“

  
  
“Of course, Professor,“ Lily said, smiling pleasantly. Professor McGonagall gave her a tight-lipped smile before going on.

  
  
“Uh.“

  
  
“What?“ Lily asked, looking at the timetable. Then she groaned. “Defence Against The Dark Arts in the first two periods! I have-“

  
  
“-the worst luck in the world,“ Julie and Dorcas finished in unison. Lily scowled at them.

  
  
“Well, we‘d better get going then,“ Julie said. “Potter will probably have a fit when we are late, especially you, Lily.“

  
  
Lily nodded and hung her bag over her shoulder. She felt like she was going to be sick any minute. She also couldn‘t refrain from thinking about the things Potter could do to her now that she was his student. She bit her bottom lip. Come on, Lily, she told herself. You can do this! Or do you want to let Potter know that you‘re afraid of him?

  
  
“I‘m not afraid of Potter!“ she exclaimed indignantly. The people around her looked at her strangely. She turned to Dorcas.

  
  
“Did I just say that aloud?“ she asked her in a hushed voice.

  
  
“Erm-yeah,“ Dorcas said, her eyebrows raised.

  
  
Lily shook her head. “I‘m going insane. Let‘s go.“

  
  
XXX

  
  
They arrived at the classroom as the first. Slowly, the room began to fill. Lily waved at Helen and Sally and a few other friends of hers. A few minutes after the bell had rung (Too late! a little voice in Lily‘s head screeched spitefully), James Potter turned up.

  
  
“Good morning, class!“

  
  
The class murmured a greeting. Potter threw his books on the table and pulled a register with the seventh years‘s names out of a folder, beginning to call out their names to make sure everyone was here. When he arrived at E, he grinned maliciously.

  
  
“Edgecombe, Sara!“

  
  
“I‘m here.“

  
  
“Evans, Lily!“

  
  
“Present.“

  
  
“I‘m so glad to hear this,“ Potter said sarcastically, leering at her. She ignored him, staring at the blackboard behind him.

  
  
When he had finished, he thew the folder on the table as well and stood up, facing the class.

  
  
“I‘m sure all of you know me-“ he was interrupted by cheering, but-

  
  
“Yes, unfortunately,“ Lily said loud enough for everyone to hear. Including Potter.

  
  
“Do you have something to say, Miss Evans?“ he snarled, slowly approaching her desk. Dorcas stomped her foot to stop her from saying anything stupid.

  
  
“No, nothing,“ Lily answered, her face contorted in pain.

  
  
“No, sir,“ Potter said, clearly enjoying the situation. “Or: No, Professor.“

  
  
“No, sir,“ Lily mumbled through clenched teeth.

  
  
“Sorry, Miss Evans, didn‘t hear you,“ he said.

  
  
“No, sir,“ Lily said loudly, feeling the strong urge to reach out, grab his neck and strangle him.

  
  
“And,“ he continued, putting his hands on her desk and leaning towards her, “I prefer students who raise their hands if they want to say something. Have I made myself clear,  Miss Evans?“

  
  
“Yes,“ she said. Under her desk, she was clenching her fists so hard that her finger nails dug into the skin of her palms.

  
  
“Yes, sir,“ Potter said in a dangerous, low voice.

  
  
“Yes, sir,“ Lily repeated, resisting the urge to punch his face now that he was so close by. What a shame to let such a good opportunity pass.  


  
“Good. Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek,“ he said, turning around and striding up to the front of the classroom. Lily was slowly breathing in and out to calm herself down.

  
  
“Now, can anyone tell me how far you are in Defence Against the Dark Arts? Yes, you?“ he said, pointing towards a tall, lanky Ravenclaw boy called Andrew Tristan.

  
  
“Well, last year, we did the Unforgivable Curses and started to practice dueling,“ he answered.

  
  
“All right. Well, who can tell me the Unforgivable Curses and what they do to their victims?“ he asked. A lot of people raised their hands, among them Lily. Potter threw her a short glance before he said, “What about... Helen Kirwin?“

  
  
“The three Unforgivable Curses are Imperio-the Imperius Curse-which makes the victim do anything what the caster wants. Then there is the Cruciatus Curse-Crucio-which causes the victim incredible pain. And the last is Avada Kedavra-“

  
  
“-which is very useful to get rid off idiots like the one up there,“ Lily muttered darkly, making Dorcas and Julie giggle. Luckily, Potter hadn‘t heard her.

  
  
“-Avada Kedavra, the killing curse. The victim is dead at once. There‘s no counter curse,“ Helen finished.  


  
“Very good, Miss Kirwin. Five points to Ravenclaw,“ Potter said. “Now that I know that you know about the Unforgivable Curses, we can move on to Dueling. That‘s the main thing we‘re going to do this year. You all know about Lord Voldemort and his followers-“ there were a few gasps, because recently, people had started calling Voldemort ‘You-know-who‘ because they were afraid of his name. Lily thought this was rubbish, she only feared that she would burst into laughter when she said his name. Honestly, who called themselves Voldemort?

  
  
“-and it‘s very important to know how to defend yourselves in a duel,“ Potter continued as though he hadn‘t heard the gasps. “You will learn useful spells and you will practice them in duels with each other. Any questions so far?“

  
  
Nobody raised their hand.

  
  
“All right,“ Potter said. “Then let‘s see how good you are at dueling. What about-“ he looked at the register, then smirked, “-Lily Evans?“

  
  
Oh Lord, this lesson wasn‘t going to be fun. Lily got up and made her way up to the front.

  
  
“All right, Evans. First we bow, then I count to three and we start. Right?“

  
  
“Yes,“ Lily said, trying not to sound too nervous. She bowed forward like he did, and then gripped her wand very hard.  


  
“One-two-three! Expelliarmus!“

  
  
Lily repelled the spell, ducking behind a table as he tried to stun her. She got up, stumbling backwards as she tried to curse him, which he parried.

  
  
“Impedimenta!“ he shouted. She ducked behind a table again, and even before the spell hit it, she scrambled further back and got up suddenly, calling, “Petrificus Totalus!“

  
  
This time she hit him sqarely in the chest. With a THUMP, he fell to the floor. She walked up to him, flicking her wand casually to take the curse off him. He grabbed his wand at once and pointed it at her, and after a flash of red light, she was the one lying on the floor, paralyzed.  


 

  
“In a real duel, Evans,“ he sneered, “it would probably cost you your life if you took your curse off your enemy.“ He took the curse off her. She got up the floor, glaring at him.   


 

“Not bad,“ he smirked, “but don‘t forget that Voldemort and his followers don‘t use curses like Impedimenta in a duel. And if you‘ve been hit with Crucio a few times, it‘s hard to duck the curses ‘cause you‘re rather shaky. You may sit down now.“ Smirking, he added, “And stop scowling at me.“  


 

Fuming, Lily turned on her heel and stormed to her seat in the back.

  
  
“Well, as we just demonstrated, the best way to get rid off your enemy without killing or hurting them is to stun or to tie them up. Does anybody know the incantation for tying somebody up? Yes, Miss Edgecombe?“ he pointed at a tall, brunette Ravenclaw girl (who was, by the way, his ex-girlfriend).

  
  
“It‘s Bondario,“ she answered.

  
  
“Correct. But don‘t use it for any sex games,“ Potter said, smirking. There were a few giggles, but Lily rolled her eyes.

  
  
“Does that asshole think he‘s funny or does he just love being annoying?“ she said.

  
  
It went very quiet. Lily swallowed.

  
  
“Did I just say that aloud?“ Lily asked for the second time this morning, and Dorcas answered for the second time, “Erm-yeah.“

  
  
“Oh, I think I might have a little problem keeping my thoughts to myself,“ Lily muttered. Julie gave a nervous giggle.

  
  
“What did you call me, Evans?“ Potter said. Lily eyed him warily.

  
  
“Nothing.“

  
  
“Oh, I think I just heard the word ‘asshole‘.“

  
  
“You must have heard wrong,“ Lily said, putting on an unconvincing expression of surprise and innocence. She saw Potter clench his jaw.

  
  
“Detention. Tonight, six p.m., my office. And twenty points from Gryffindor,“ he barked.

  
  
“Anything else?“ she said, trying to sound nonchalantly but failing miserably.

  
  
“Yeah, get out. You‘re getting on my nerves.“  


  
“Excuse me?“

  
  
“Get out!“ he said again, pointing towards the door.

  
  
Lily shook her head, throwing her books in her bag and storming out of the classroom.  


  
Who did that man think he was? She hurried to the next bathroom, throwing her books in one of the sinks and looking into the mirror. She had to be careful. She had already gotten herself into a detention and it was only the first day of term. She heard the bell ring and sighing, she picked up her books and went to her next class, Charms.  


  
“Potter‘s a prick,“ Dorcas said sympathetically as she sat down beside Lily.  
  


 

“I know. What do we have after Charms?“

   
  
Dorcas looked at her timetable. “After lunch, we have a free period and then...Transfiguration. Well, isn‘t that nice Lily... First Potter and then McGonagall.“

  
  
“Yes. And detention with Potter...“

  
  
“Yeah, well... maybe it‘s not going to be so bad.“ Seeing Lily‘s sceptical look, she quickly said, “Yes, I know... Potter‘s probably going to make it hell.“

  
  
Lily sighed. This day was definitely not going to be fun.  


 

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_  
  
  
“It‘ll be six in five minutes, Lily!“ Julie called. Lily put her quill down.

  
  
“Great,“ she sighed, putting the essay she had just been writing in her bag.

  
  
“Have fun,“ Dorcas said.

  
  
“Goodbye, my one and only love!“ Lily moaned, kneeling down in front of Dorcas. “Will you be waiting for me when I come back?“

  
  
“Nah,“ Dorcas smirked, eating a piece of chocolate. “When will you finally understand, Lily? I don‘t love you.“

  
  
“Oh yes, you do,“ Lily whispered over-dramatically. “You just can‘t accept the fact that you love a woman yet, you can‘t accept that you‘re different... But I‘ll wait for you, no matter what.“

  
  
“I shall never love you!“ Dorcas exclaimed. “I‘m already with Julie!“

  
  
“Well,“ Lily said, getting up. “It‘s better that way, I suppose. After all, you are crap in bed.“

  
  
She grinned as Dorcas clapped her hand over her mouth in mock shock, but then she heard supressed snickers behind her. She turned around and saw that a group of sixth-year-boys had overheard them.

  
  
“See you, Dorcas,“ she said, climbing out of the portrait hole and leaving a very embarassed Dorcas behind.

  
  
She felt more sick and more sick as she approached Potter‘s office. What would she have to do? Surely, Potter would have thought up something really bad to annoy her.

  
  
She knocked. 

  
  
“Enter,“ she heard Potter‘s voice. She grimaced and opened the door, stepping in.

  
  
“You‘re late, Evans.“

  
  
She said nothing. He sighed and got up.

  
  
“Follow me.“

  
  
He walked out the door and she followed him. They walked down staircases and Lily realized that they were going to the dungeons.

  
  
When they had arrived down there, he pushed open the door to one of the unused dungeons. Even Lily, who was definitely not a neat person, was a bit revolted as she saw all the dirt. Potter waved his wand and a bucket with soapy water and a few cleaning clothes appeared.

  
  
“You‘re to clean it,“ he said.

  
  
“What?“ Lily asked, whipping around to face him.

  
  
“Only the desks. But if you ever get a detention with me again,“ he smirked, “you will clean the floor next.“

  
  
Lily looked at the desks. They were encrusted with spilled potions and ingredients. She pulled a face.

  
  
“Oh yes, and give me your wand,“ he said. “You‘re to do this without magic.“

  
  
She scowled at him.

  
  
“You‘ll get it back when you‘re finished,“ he said, extending his hand. “Now give me it.“

  
  
She handed him her wand, glowering.

  
  
“I‘ll be back at 9 p.m.,“ he told her.

  
  
“I can hardly wait,“ she muttered sarcastically. He threw her a dirty look.

  
  
“Do you want to continue with the floor tomorrow evening, Evans?“

  
  
Throwing him a glare, she took one of the clothes and dipped it into the water. He chuckled and left the room.

  
  
She began cleaning the desk. She remembered what Julie had said yesterday: He‘ll probably make you scrub the floor in the dungeons with a toothbrush. 

  
  
Well, Lily thought grimly, she was nearly right.

  
  
It was almost impossible to get the dirt off the desks. Lily briefly thought about going back to the Gryffindor Tower and borrowing Dorcas‘s or Julie‘s wand, but then dropped that thought. Potter would probably have thought she could try that and done something to stop her from doing that. Probaby he was standing guard in front of the Pink Lady‘s portrait.

  
  
“Lily?“ she heard somebody say. She looked up to see Professor Slughorn. An idea formed in her head.

  
  
“What are you doing here, Lily?“ he asked.

  
  
“Detention,“ she answered, putting on her best expression of innocence.

  
  
“Who would give a lovely girl like you detention?“ he asked, eyeing her fondly.  
  


“Professor Potter,“ she told him.

  
  
“And why?“

  
  
“Oh, it was a misunderstanding... he thought I had insulted him, but he just got it wrong,“  
she said, smiling at him.  
  


“Oh. Do you want me to go and talk to him?“ he asked. Yep! She was on the right way.

  
  
“Oh no, he wouldn‘t believe me.“

  
  
“Well, there‘s no way I will let you clean these incredibly dirty desks here,“ Slughorn said. “I will get a house-elf to do it.“  


  
“Oh, but-“

  
  
“No buts, Lily, a house-elf will do it and you‘re coming to my office to have some tea, would you like that?“

  
  
“Well, yes-“

  
  
Slughorn snapped his fingers and at once, a house-elf appeared.

  
  
“What do you want me to do, Master Slughorn?“ he asked.

  
  
“I want you bring some tea and biscuits into my office and then clean up the desks here. Do you think you will manage that?“

  
  
The elf threw a glance at the tables and then said, “Yes, sir, I think so.“

  
  
“Great. Let‘s go, Lily.“

  
  
Lily took his offered arm, but not before smiling warmly at the elf who would do the revolting work for her. He looked surprised for a moment, but then smiled back.

  
  
And so it came that Lily, who had spent the whole day dreading the detention that she would have to do in the evening, sat in Professor Slughorn‘s office, eating biscuits and sipping tea. Sure, Slughorn was rather full of himself and a bit superficial at times, but he liked her and he had saved her from that awful detention. Lily swore herself she would never answer him cheekily again when he told her she should have been in Slytherin (she broke that promise the same evening). At this moment, life seemed really easy to her, even though it was her last year and she had a lot to study, even though Potter was her teacher, even though the fact that she would have to leave Hogwarts in a few months made her sad.

  
  
If anyone had told her that she would be dead in a little more than five years, she wouldn‘t have believed it. She also wouldn‘t have believed it if she was told that she would marry James Potter and that his love would keep her alive for the next five years, or that her death would be the final reason for Horace Slughorn to retire. Nor did she know that Severus Snape, who would be the reason for her death, would take up his post and torment her son when he would go to Hogwarts.

  
  
As she sat in Slughorn‘s office, she wasn‘t aware that Voldemort, who was slowly gaining more and more power, would slowly take away everyone who was important to her. Benjy, Dorcas... he would take them all away, and at the end, he would take James and then Lily herself.   


 

A/N: I've been told by two reviewers that they thought my fic would be like "Hot for Teacher". I read "Hot for Teacher" , and I can tell you that it won't. My Lily occasionally drinks alcohol and similar things, but not because she wants to forget her problems, but because I think that's what most teenagers do. 


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**  
  
  
“That can‘t be true!“ Julie exclaimed again. “Why am I never that lucky?“

  
  
They were making their way down to the Great Hall to eat breakfast, and Lily was telling the others about her ‘detention‘.

  
  
“Because Slughorn‘s in love with Lily and not you,“ Dorcas said. Lily pulled a face.

  
  
“The mental image makes me sick,“ she said.

  
  
“Mental?“ Dorcas snorted. “Come on, Lily, I know what you two did last night...“

  
  
Julie laughed as Lily scowled at Dorcas.

  
  
“And Potter didn‘t take any notice?“ Julie asked.

  
  
“Nah,“ Lily said. “I went back to the dungeons at quarter to nine and waited there for him. I think he was pretty surprised that everything was clean. He probably thought I wouldn‘t manage to clean everything in time so he could make me clean the rest tonight.“

  
  
***

  
  
Lily told her other friends how she had escaped from that awful detention, earning a lot of laughter.

  
  
Later that day, when she was heading outside for her Herbology lesson, she heard someone calling her name.

  
  
“Lily! Oi, Lily!“

  
  
She turned around and saw Adam Blume, a good-looking Ravenclaw in her year. He was tall and had longish, brown hair.

  
  
“Hi, Adam,“ Lily said, smiling awkwardly. She could feel herself go red.

  
  
_Why?_ she screamed inwardly. _That handsome guy‘s talking to me and I am BLUSHING! Why?_

  
  
“You know, it‘s my birthday next week, I‘m going to become eighteen,“ he told her.

  
  
“Oh,“ she said.

  
  
“Yes, and I‘m having a party in our common room, on Friday night,“ he said. “D‘you want to come?“

  
  
“Of course!“ Lily said enthusiastically, blushing even more. “I mean-erm- yes, I want to come.“

  
  
“Great,“ he said, smiling at her. “And you can bring your friends, Dora and Julia.“

  
  
“Dorcas and Julie,“ Lily corrected him. “Yes, I‘m sure they‘d love to come.“

  
  
“All right,“ he said. “Then we‘ll meet in front of the Great Hall on Friday night and I‘ll take you to our common room. Let‘s say... 8 p.m.?“

  
  
“Yeah, OK,“ Lily said.

  
  
“Cool,“ Adam said. “See you, Lily. And I heard how you got out of detention with Potter. Well done.“

  
  
He winked at her before walking off to his class. Lily practically floated to the greenhouses.

  
  
“What took you so long?“ Dorcas hissed.

  
  
“Adam Blume invited me to his birthday party!“

  
  
“Blume? He‘s good-looking,“ Julie said.

  
  
“Yes, I know. And he told me to bring you two with me! Friday night, Ravenclaw common room!“

  
  
“Well, Lily,“ Dorcas said, grinning. “Maybe he‘s gay, and he knows he can trust you and that‘s why he invited you: He wants you to help him with his coming-out!“

  
  
Lily glared at her. Dorcas laughed and embraced her friend.

  
  
***

  
  
On Friday night, Lily lay on her bed, doodling on a sheet.

  
  
“Lily, are you ever going to get dressed?“ Julie said.

  
  
“Oh, Lily‘s writing diary!“ Dorcas said, pinching Lily‘s cheek. Lily slapped her hand away.

  
  
“No, I‘m a reporter and these are my notes. My first article will be an inside-report about mentally disturbed students at Hogwarts,“ Lily snapped, pointedly staring at Dorcas, who snorted.  


  
“Yes, and the second one will be an inside-report about maltreatment at Hogwarts,“ Lily continued. “Imagine the headline ‘James P. maltreats Hogwarts students‘.“

  
  
“James P.?“ Julie asked, her eyebrows raised.

  
  
“Data protection,“ Lily replied, and, sighing dramatically, she added, “‘Our reporter Lily Evans recently discovered that the DADA-teacher at Hogwarts, James P., maltreats his students‘. Is that a good beginning?“

  
  
“Yes, but you also have to interview the students,“ Dorcas said. Promptly, Lily took her pencil case, pretending to use a microphone.

  
  
“We asked one of the seventh-year students, Dorcas M.,“ Lily continued in her business-like voice, “to tell us what has happened.“

  
  
“It‘s so horrible,“ Dorcas cried, feigning sobs.

  
  
“I see. Could you tell us what happened?“

  
  
“He docked points because I talked in his lesson!“ Dorcas screamed. “Gryffindor lost five points because of me! How am I going to live with that guilt?“

  
  
Julie snorted, shaking her head.  


  
“But,“ Lily continued, “I heard Potter‘s not the only one. Were you sexually harassed by teachers like-Horace S.?“  


  
Julie and Dorcas burst into laughter.

  
  
“I must ask you to take this seriously!“ Lily said, trying to keep her face straight, “we have to help the students!“  


  
Julie went into the bathroom, muttering something like, “Nutters, both of them.“

  
  
Dorcas began again to fake sobs. “The teachers are so horrible to us!“

  
  
“All teachers?“ Lily asked. 

  
  
“All teachers except Professor Perlman!“  


  
Now it was Lily‘s turn to laugh. Professor Perlman was the teacher for Muggle studies. He was about twenty-six or twenty-seven and very good-looking. A lot of girls liked him, including Dorcas.  


  
Dorcas glowered at her. “I must ask you to take this seriously,“ she said with all the dignity she could muster. “We have to help the students!“

  
  
***

  
  
At eight p.m., Lily, Dorcas and Julie were waiting in front of the heavy oak doors of the Great Hall. After a few minutes, they heard someone whistling. Lily turned around.

  
  
“Hi, Adam!“ she said, smiling brightly.

  
  
“Hey, Lily,“ he grinned back. “Hi, Doreen, Juliet.“

  
  
“It‘s Dorcas.“-“It‘s Julie,“ Dorcas and Julie said at the same time.

  
  
“Fine. Let‘s go.“

  
  
Julie and Dorcas looked at each other, eyebrows raised, and then burst out laughing.

  
  
“What‘s so funny?“ Lily asked.

  
  
“Ah, nothing,“ Dorcas answered. “Come on, let‘s go.“  


  
When they arrived in the Ravenclaw common room, the party was already on.

  
  
“Here,“ Adam said, taking a bottle of beer and handing it to Lily.  


  
“Thanks,“ Lily said, taking a sip.  


  
“Hey, Lily!“ Helen called, hugging Lily who had begun dancing to  the reggae music that was playing. They followed Adam to the couches in a corner.  


  
“...we just can‘t rely on that idiot,“ she heard Benjy saying.

  
  
“Are you talking about Potter?“ Lily asked hopefully, sitting down next to Benjy. The others laughed.

  
  
“Nah, about Cornelius Fudge.“

  
  
“Oh. He‘s that right-wing politician, isn‘t he? Department of Magical Catastrophes?“

  
  
“Yes, and I hope he stays there. That guy is a magical catastrophe himself.“

  
  
Lily laughed, sipping at her beer.

  
  
A few hours later Lily was lying on the couch. She had drunk too much beer and now her head was reeling. Adam sat on the floor, next to her. Dorcas and Julie had already gone back to Gryffindor Tower.

  
  
“I gotta go,“ she said, trying to get up.

  
  
“Don‘t you want to stay here?“ he asked, getting up as well.

  
  
“Nah,“ she said, staggering towards the exit.

  
  
“D‘you want me to walk you back to your common room?“

  
  
She looked at him, her eyebrows raised.  


  
“You can‘t even walk anymore,“ she told him. He shrugged.  


  
“Good night,“ she said. But he grabbed her shoulders, and for a moment Lily thought he was going to collapse. Then he bent his head and kissed her on the forehead.

  
  
“Night, Lily.“  


  
She smiled and quit the Ravenclaw quarters. She might have jumped for joy if she just hadn‘t been so drunk.  


  
_Maybe he wanted to kiss my mouth, but he was too drunk and missed it!_ she thought.

  
  
Happily, she walked-or rather, staggered-back to the Gryffindor common room. But then, suddenly, somebody bumped into her.  


  
While she was falling to the floor, she was sure that it was McGonagall or Filch. She saw herself losing her badge, or worse, getting expelled. She opened her mouth to start crying (or at least pretend to) or to tell some kind of excuse, but then she saw that it was-  


  
“Remus? What are you doing here?“

  
  
“I could ask you the same question,“ he replied, offering her a hand which she gratefully accepted, as she had problems holding her balance. Damn beer. She and Remus had gotten along quite good when he had been at Hogwarts. “I was visiting James. And you should be in your tower, it‘s nearly three a.m.“ Then he looked closely at her.  


  
“You‘re drunk!“ he exclaimed.

  
  
“You‘re quite observative, aren‘t you?“ she asked sarcastically.

  
  
“You‘re going back to Gryffindor Tower!“ he said sternly. She rolled her eyes.  


  
“That‘s what I was planning to do.“

  
  
“Good!“ Remus said, taking her upper arm and dragging her with him. “What if someone else had caught you? Filch, for example?“  


  
“Or even worse, Potter,“ Lily said dryly.  


  
“Do you still hate him?“

  
  
“Is the world still a sphere?“  


  
“Ho ho,“ Remus said. “We‘re here. I hope I won‘t catch you walking around in the middle of the night again.“  


  
“I won‘t,“ she said, adding under her breath, “let you catch me again.“  
  
He shook his head, smiling slightly.

  
  
Before she closed the portrait hole, she looked back at Remus.

  
  
“But it was so wonderful, Remus. D‘you want me to tell you a secret?“

  
  
He leaned closer to her, smiling at her girlishness.  


  
“He kissed me!“ she breathed. Then she was gone.  


  
If she had stayed, she would have seen Remus standing there with an dumbfounded expression on his face.

 

 

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**  
  


  
“For the last time, Remus, I didn‘t kiss her!“ James exclaimed angrily. “I don‘t know what this is all about. Probably she was referring to somebody else! You said she was drunk yourself!“

  
  
“But she made it sound like-“

  
  
“I don‘t know why she said that! Maybe she was trying to shock you or something. Can‘t say it didn‘t work.“

  
  
“Are you sure,“ Remus pronounced every word very clearly, “that you didn‘t kiss her?“

  
  
“Yeah!“ James half-shouted.

  
  
“Whatever,“ Remus muttered. He paused for a moment, seemingly thinking about something. Then he said, “I‘ve got to go now, James. See you.“

  
  
James stared. Remus left the office and closed the door behind him. What the hell was wrong? About ten minutes after Remus had left James‘s office, he had come back, yelling something about Lily Evans and a kiss.  


  
What had Evans said?

  
  
And even more interesting, why was Remus so touchy when it came to Lily Evans?  


  
***

  
  
Lily slept in the next morning, waking up at about 12 o‘ clock. She went into the shower, and after having dressed, she went down to eat something.

  
  
“Hey, Charlotte!“ she called as she recognized a friend of hers.

  
  
“Hi, Lily!“

  
  
“Why weren‘t you at the party yesterday?“ Lily asked her.

  
  
“Oh, I was so tired, I went to bed at 9:30.“

  
  
“Oh, it was really cool, but-“ Lily raised her right foot so Charlotte could see it. She was wearing her chucks that she had worn the day before. “You see that?“

  
  
“Yes. What‘s that?“

  
  
“It‘s Benjy‘s puke. He was so pissed.“

  
  
Charlotte pulled a face. “He puked on your shoes?“  


  
“Yes. I tried to wipe it off, but, well-“

  
  
Charlotte laughed.

  
  
“But it was really cool anyway,“ Lily told her. “Everybody was drunk and hugging each other and telling each other how much they liked them. And you know that guy from Hufflepuff, Davey Gudgeon?“  


  
“Yeah, why?“  


  
“He was trying to dance with Julie all the time, but she was really drunk, too, so she wasn‘t really able to dance, if you know what I mean.“  


  
“No, I don‘t know what you mean, and I think I don‘t wanna know...“  


  
“They sat down on the couch together and she had his head in her lap and he was stroking her hair all the time,“ Lily laughed at Charlotte‘s disgusted face, “and now he probably thinks they‘re going out. Poor, poor Julie.“

  
  
***  


  
The weekend and the next week passed quickly. On Friday afternoon, Lily and Dorcas were making their way to their last class that day, Transfiguration. But suddenly, Lily heard someone call her name.

  
  
“Hi, Lily,“ Adam said. “Hi, Dolly.“  


  
Dorcas rolled her eyes.  “Dorcas.“  


  
“Whatever,“ he said. “Do you want to go for a walk tonight, Lily?“  


  
“Don’t know,“ she answered. “I have a Charms club meeting tonight.“

  
  
“I‘m sure you can skip this one,“ he said charmingly. “I mean, you‘re Lily Evans, the girl who got Slughorn to save her from Potter‘s detention.“

  
  
“Well,“ Lily said, “I still feel sorry for the house-elf who cleaned the desks for me... poor thing-“

  
  
Suddenly, Dorcas stomped her foot.

  
  
“Ouch! What was that for?!“  


  
Then Lily saw for what exactly it had been.

  
  
“Tut, tut, Evans,“ Potter said, smirking. “Follow me.“

  
  
Lily swallowed hard and did as she was told. All the time she was following him silently, she was making up excuses. What could she tell him? That she had been joking? There was no way he‘d buy that.

  
  
“So, Evans,“ Potter said, no longer smirking as they stood in his office, “you‘re making this more difficult for the two of us-“  


  
“What?!“ Lily spluttered, outraged. “I‘m not making anything difficult-“  


  
“No argument!“ he barked. “Or do you want to make matters worse for you by back talking?“  


  
Lily could feel herself go pale with anger. He was clearly enjoying this.

  
  
“Let‘s see... tonight, you will clean the floor in the dungeon, as I told you before. Tomorrow, you‘ll clean the whole DADA-room, the windows, the desks, the floor, everything. And on Sunday, you‘ll sweep the Great Hall after breakfast, lunch and dinner and wipe the tables.“

  
  
“But the house elves do that anyway!“ she exclaimed.

  
  
“On Sunday, you‘ll do it. Another word and you‘ll do it for the rest of the month. You may go.“

  
  
Lily turned on her heel, boiling with anger.

  
  
“Oh, Evans?“  


  
She paused, not bothering to turn around to face him.

  
  
“That‘s fifty points from Gryffindor for your insolence.“

  
  
She stormed out of his office, slamming the door shut behind her and stalking off to her Transfiguration lesson. She managed to get there before McGonagall.  


  
“What happened?“ Orcas whispered urgently. Lily took deep breaths to calm herself down.

  
  
“I have detention tonight, tomorrow and on Sunday. And he docked fifty points.“

  
  
“He‘s...exaggerating a bit, isn‘t he?“

  
  
“No, not at all,“ Lily snapped sarcastically.

  
  
“Well,“ Sally said slowly, “if you had done your detention in the first place, none of this would have happened.“

  
  
Lily threw her a glare, and then clapped her hands over her face. Her eyes stung.  


  
“He‘s making my life a living hell, it‘s even worse than last year!“  


  
Dorcas lay her arm around her, rubbing her upper arm. Lily heard the door being shut.  


  
“Good afternoon, class!“

  
  
***

  
  
On 7 p.m. that evening, Lily went down to the dungeons, her knees trembling. Potter was already there.

  
  
“So, Evans,“ he sneered, “your wand, please.“

  
  
She grudgingly handed him her wand.

  
  
“If you‘re finished, come to my office to fetch your wand. And don‘t get any ideas. I have put a charm on this room. You won‘t be able to leave it until the floor is clean.“ 

  
  
He quit the room. After a few minutes, she tried to open the door, but it was locked. So he hadn‘t been joking. Lily cursed under her breath. But just as she wanted to start cleaning, she heard someone whisper her name. She looked around, frowning. There it was again. It came from the old store cupboard in the corner.  


  
Suddenly, the door burst open and Adam flew out. Lily gasped in surprise.  


  
“One second longer and I would have suffocated, I‘m telling you!“ he cursed, getting up.

  
  
“Adam, what are you doing here, hiding in a cupboard?“ Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

  
  
“Well, I heard that you got in detention with Potter again, and I thought you might need some help,“ he said casually, blowing his hair out of his face. He drew his wand, flicked it and muttered a few words. One of the clothes flew into the bucket with the soapy water and began cleaning the floor.

  
  
“Let‘s sit down on one of these desks and… talk,“ Adam said, pointing to a desk.  


  
She sat down next to him, smiling awkwardly. After a few minutes of silence, Adam  said, “You know, I‘ve liked you for a long time.“

  
  
Oh no, red alarm again. Lily felt her face grow hot.  


  
“Oh, really?“ she choked.

  
  
“Yes, ever since we were in fourth year. But back then, you were with that-what was his name?“

  
  
“Caradoc Dearborn?“

  
  
“Yes, right. And after you two broke up... well I thought it was kind of tactless to ask you to go out with me after you had just broken up with your boyfriend. But when I could finally muster the courage to ask you out, you were already with-“  


  
“Julian Fenwick,“ Lily said, remembering Benjy‘s older brother. She and Julian still got along well.

  
  
“Yeah. And now,“ he placed his hand under her chin, turning her face towards his, “and now, we‘re here...“ His face came closer and closer to hers. “May I?“ he mumbled. Lily didn‘t reply, she just closed her eyes, which was enough of an answer for him. She felt his lips touch hers, firstly soft, but then he deepened the kiss. 

  
  
Lily didn‘t know how long they sat there. She only knew that suddenly, it was 10 p.m.

  
  
“Maybe,“ she mumbled between two kisses; “I should go to Potter and fetch my wand-“     


  
“Or maybe,“ he replied, “we‘ll just stay here and-“  


  
“But then, Potter will come sometime and catch us and I‘ll get even more detention.“  


  
Adam sighed. “All right, let‘s go.“  


  
***

  
  
Lily‘s detentions weren‘t as bad as she had feared. On Saturday, Adam hid in the cupboard in the DADA-room like the evening before and helped her with the cleaning.   


  
It was Monday morning, and their first period, Defense Against the Dark Arts, was just over. Potter had tested her all the time, asking her very difficult questions. Fortunately, she had known the answers. Now she was standing in front of the classroom with Adam, holding hands. Just as she kissed him, she felt somebody grip her arm and drag her away from him.

  
  
“What do you think you‘re doing?“ yelled the furious voice of James Potter.

  
  
“What?!“ Lily yelled back. “There‘s no rule that says kissing during break is forbidden!“

  
  
He let go off her arm as though he had received an electric shock. He stared at her for a few moments as though he had never seen her before. Then he noticed a few second years who were staring at him and Lily open-mouthed.  


  
“What are you waiting for?“ he barked at them. “Get to your next class!“

  
  
“Uhm... we have Defense now, Professor,“ one of them said.

  
  
“Then get into the classroom!“ he yelled.

  
  
“How? You‘re blocking the door, Professor,“ Lily said coolly. He stepped aside quickly, motioning for the second years to get in. He turned around to cast her one last look of pure contempt, then shut the door behind him.

  
  
Lily looked up at Adam.  


  
“What the hell was that?“

 

 

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed!  



	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_ **

****  
  
“AND JOE BULSTRODE CATCHES THE SNITCH! SLYTHERIN WINS!“

   
Lily yawned widely. She wasn‘t that interested in Quidditch. Opposed to her best friend.  
  


“You idiots! You bloody idiots! Couldn‘t you-“  
  


“Dorcas, it‘s OK.“  
  


“Nothing is OK!“ Dorcas howled. “Slytherin won! They defeated us!“  
  


“Well, technically Slytherin didn‘t defeat Gryffindor. The Slytherin Quidditch defeated the Gryffindor Quidditch team. If it makes you feel any better.“  
  


“It doesn‘t,“ Dorcas said gloomily. Lily took her hand and dragged her out of her seat.  
  


“Come on. I‘m hungry.“ They were on their way back to the castle, when they heard an all-to-familiar voice.  
  


“...you saw how he nearly fell of his broom? That Fether‘s no good at Quidditch. He went to the try-outs last year as well, but of course I didn‘t let him on the team.“  
  


Lily turned her head testily. Of course it was James Potter, and along with him his best friend Sirius Black.  
  


“Let‘s walk faster!“ Dorcas mumbled to Lily. “Before Black asks me again if I‘m better at Arithmancy now.“  


  
Lily burst out laughing. In their fourth year, Dorcas had fancied Remus Lupin. Remus had been really good at Arithmancy, and so Dorcas had asked him to help her. The two had gotten along really fine-until Remus found out that Dorcas wasn‘t taking Arithmancy at all.  
  


Unfortunately, Sirius heard her laughter. He came over to them, leaving a very angry-looking James behind.  
  


“Hi, girls,“ he said, grinning his famous smile. “What about Arithmancy, Dorcas?“  
  


Dorcas mumbled something like, “I knew it,“ under her breath.  
  


“What do you want, Sirius?“ Lily asked. “Shouldn‘t you be with your buddy James?“  
  


Sirius ignored her. “So what‘s your boyfriend doing? Adam, I think?“  
  


“Who told you about him?“ Lily demanded, her eyes flashing.  
  


“Why, Jamesie-poo of course,“ Sirius asked, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at James. Lily frowned. Before she could say something, however, Sirius flashed her a smile and said, “Well, got to get going. See you, Lily. And Dorcas, I know a good book about Arithmancy. Tell me if you‘re interested.“  
  


With that, he turned and sauntered back to James.  
  


“Why,“ Lily whispered to Dorcas, who was looking ready to curse Black with an Unforgivable, “why the hell would Potter tell Black that I have a boyfriend?“  
  


“Maybe the jerk just wanted to annoy you,“ Dorcas answered. “Suits him well. Bastard.“  


  
“But he knew Adam‘s name!“  
  


Dorcas shrugged. Then her face lit up.  


   
“If you want me to, I could torture him with Crucio until he tells!“  
  


Lily shook her head, sighing.  
  


***  
  


In the evening, Lily walked down to the Great Hall where she wanted to meet Adam. On her way she saw a tall man with long black hair strolling down the stairs.  
  


“Oi! Black!“ she yelled. He turned, and when he saw her, he grinned.  
  


“Hey Lily,“ he said.  
  


“Black,“ she said,“ why did Potter tell you about my boyfriend?“  
  


Black let out a bark of laughter.  
  


“Oh, Lily-flower,“ he said. “You should have heard him. It was hilarious.“  
  


“What?“  
  


Sirius laughed again, then imitated an upset, angry voice. “ ‘I don‘t know what the hell she thinks she‘s doing! Snogging with that Blume lad! She‘s-‘ “  
  


“Sirius. You forgot something!“ a voice behind them said loudly. It was James.  
  


“Thanks, mate,“ Sirius said, taking his jacket out of James‘s hands.  
  


“Bye,“ Lily said hastily, walking away as fast as possible. Potter had a murderous look on his face, and she wasn‘t exactly feeling the urge to have his hands around her neck.  
  


***  
  


“What the hell did you tell her?“ James hissed, glaring at his best friend.  
  


“What you said,“ Sirius said, smirking.   
  


“Why?“ James spat.  
  


“Come on, James. It‘s not as though you were upset because you like her!“ Sirius said, his voice seeping with sarcasm. James didn‘t notice, though.  
  


“Yeah,“ he said, faking a laugh. “I was just surprised that somebody actually likes her. I wouldn‘t touch her if my life depended on it!“  
  


“Of course not, James,“ Sirius said again. He was again wondering how James could not notice the sarcasm. People could be so ignorant.  
  


“I mean, look at her. How could I like such a carrot top like her? That Blume has a bad  
taste.“  


   
“Yeah, right,“ Sirius smirked. As bad as yours, or what? he added silently.  
  


***  
  


The weeks passed by. Adam got in several detentions with Potter, one time because he dropped his quill in his DADA-lesson.  
  


“It‘s sick!“ Lily exclaimed when she stormed into the Gryffindor common room one afternoon in mid-November. “When will he stop giving Adam and me detention for nothing?“  
  


“When you graduate,“ Dorcas answered, throwing her books into her bag.  
  


“You know what is weird?“ Lily said, sitting down.  
  


“What?“ Julie and Dorcas asked.  
  


“He only gives me and Adam detention. He‘s never punished one of you. I mean, when he started giving Adam detention, I thought it was because he was my boyfriend. But you two are my closest friends and he doesn‘t do anything to you!“  
  


Dorcas looked up at Lily, chewing on her bottom lip. Julie frowned, apparently thinking.  
  


“But maybe,“ she said after a few seconds, “he wants to stop you two spending time with each other. Maybe he thinks that‘s what will annoy you the most.“  
  


“Maybe,“ Lily said, shrugging.  
  


“Or maybe,“ Dorcas mumbled under her breath, “maybe... Lily, what did Sirius tell you what James said?“  
  


“What I think I‘m doing, snogging around with Adam. Why?“  


  
Dorcas thought for a few seconds, then shook her head. “Ah, nothing.“  


  
***  
  


Christmas was coming nearer. It became icy cold and snow was falling outside. Lily and Benjy had to stop the younger students from throwing snow balls.  


  
“Why, Benjy, why?“ Lily hissed. “It‘s so unneccessary! They‘ll be doing it tomorrow again,  
anyway!“  


  
Benjy shrugged. “McGonagall will have a fit if we don‘t do it.“  


  
“Are you going home for Christmas?“ Lily changed the topic.  


  
“Yep. You?“  


  
“Yeah, though I wish I wasn‘t,“ Lily answered gloomily. Benjy smiled sympathetically. Lily sighed and they made their way to their Charms lesson.

 

 

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! A lot of people were astonished at how harsh James is on Lily, but don't worry, he'll become nicer soon! Very soon! 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_  


  
“Homework: Please read pages 78-90! Class dismissed.“  


  
Lily got up, yawning. She threw her books into her bag, traipsing out of the Charms classroom.   


  
“Only one week left!“ Dorcas yelled enthuastically.  


  
“Yeah, great,“ Lily murmured. “And I have so much homework this weekend-“  


  
“Doesn‘t matter! One week until the holidays!“  


  
***  


  
After spending her whole weekend in the library doing her homework, Lily found herself sitting in Defense Against The Dark Arts. Potter was already ten minutes late.  


  
“Typical,“ Lily snorted, laying her head on her desk. She was feeling sick and considered going to the Hospital Wing when Professor McGonagall stormed into the classroom.  


  
“Your defense lesson won‘t take place!“ she declared seriously.  


  
“Why?“ a Ravenclaw girl asked. McGonagall hesitated for a moment.  


  
“Professor Potter is... not feeling well,“ she said. Lily was surprised at the strange expression on her normally strict teacher‘s face.  


  
“I think I‘ll go to the Hospital Wing,“ she murmured to Dorcas and Julie while they trailed out of the classroom. “I‘m feeling sick.“ With that, she staggered away.  


  
Madam Pomfrey gave Lily a potion against the sickness and forced her to go to sleep. Lily didn‘t mind that much; after learning the whole weekend, sleep was exactly what she wanted and needed.  


  
She was woken by voices talking quietly. She glanced at the clock at the wall and saw that she hadn‘t slept more than thirty minutes.  


  
“...No problem. If you want to-“  


  
“Where should I go?“ Lily recognized the voice at once. It was Potter‘s. “They were the only family I had left.“   


  
_What‘s he talking about?_ Lily wondered, astonished at his depressed voice.  


  
“I‘m sorry, James.“ That was Dumbledore. Lily couldn‘t see them, as Madam Pomfrey had drawn curtains around her bed.  


  
“I know,“ Potter said bitterly. “Everyone is.“  


  
Madam Pomfrey joined Potter and Dumbledore.  


  
“I‘m sorry, James,“ she said, just like Dumbledore. “Dragon pox at their age! I‘m so sorry.“  
   


Lily frowned. That sounded as though someone in Potter‘s family had died... or rather, the rest of his family.  


  
“If you need help with the funeral, James,“ Dumbledore said softly, “you can come to me any time. After all, I knew your parents well.“

  
  
_Parents?!_ Lily gasped. It went silent. Lily quickly closed her eyes and pretended to sleep, in case Potter or Dumbledore checked on her. But they didn‘t.  
  


“And this is not only about the funeral,“ Dumbledore continued quietly. “If you want to talk, or you need help with something, you can always come to me.“  


  
“Thank you.“  
  


Lily heard the door of the Hospital Wing being opened and closed. Had they left?  


  
“Stop feigning sleep, Evans,“ Potter said coldly. Lily slowly opened her eyes. He was standing at the end of her bed. Lily stared at his strangely contorted face. Was it mourning? Anger? She couldn‘t tell.  
  


When he didn‘t say anything else, she opened her mouth to offer him her condolences, but refrained from doing so as she remembered his words. _I know... Everyone is._

  
  
Lily knew from past experience that knowing other people were sorry didn‘t really help one to feel better. Nothing could help to cope with this pain.  


  
She was full with sympathy for him. What was she supposed to say? Her throat was hoarse; she didn‘t think she could say anything even if she tried. He stared at her for a few moments, then turned on his heel and stormed out of the Hospital Wing. Tears ran down Lily‘s cheeks as long-forgotten feelings came to the surface again.  
  


***  


  
Lily left the classroom with mixed emotions. It was Friday afternoon and they just had had their last lesson in this term: Defense Against the Dark Arts. Potter had been teaching again. Lily hadn‘t told anyone the reason why he hadn‘t been teaching on Monday.  
  


“Who are you going to take to Slughorn‘s party tonight?“ Julie asked her.  
  


“Me, of course,“ Adam said, coming up behind them. Lily rolled her eyes. She had indeed planned to take Adam with her, but she hadn‘t asked him yet. And he was talking about it as though it was self-evident. Sighing, she shrugged it off.  
  


***  
  


Later that evening, Lily was at Slughorn‘s party, sipping at her wine. Slughorn was talking to her and Adam, telling them something about an old student of his who was now the editor of the Daily Prophet. Lily was bored out of her mind when she saw Potter, leaning against a wall, staring into his glass as though it held the solution to all his problems. Then, suddenly, he placed his glass on one of the silver platters that a passing house-elf was carrying, and left Slughorn‘s office. Lily‘s mind was made up in a second.  
  


“Excuse me,“ she said, “I need to go to the bathroom.“  
  


“Sure, Lily,“ Slughorn said good-naturedly, continuing to talk to Adam, who was trying his best to not look bored.

  
  
Why was she going after him? They despised each other, after all. 

  
  
She found Potter in a hallway, where he was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the wall. He looked at her when she approached him, but didn‘t say anything. He tore his gaze away from her and stared in the opposite direction. She was about to go, when-

  
  
“Has anyone you‘ve known ever died?“ he asked suddenly.

  
  
Lily swallowed. She had feared that he would ask that question.

  
  
“Yes,“ she said after a few seconds. “My... my mother died of cancer when I was in my second year at Hogwarts.“

  
  
There was a silence.

  
  
“I‘m sorry,“ he said finally. “It must be horrible... losing your mother at such a young age.“

  
  
Lily nodded, a lump in her throat.

  
  
“Compared to you, I was rather lucky. I had both my parents until I was grown up and had left Hogwarts.“

  
  
Lily shivered. His voice wasn‘t sarcastic-just bitter.

  
  
“My whole family just fell apart after Mum died,“ she said.   


  
_Why the hell am I telling him this?_  
  
“Fell apart? Why?“ he asked, looking at her.  


  
“Well, Dad‘s working all the time. When I ask him if he wants to do something with me, he just gives me money and tells me to get a few new clothes. And Petunia, my sister-“

  
  
“You have a sister?“ he asked. “I didn‘t know you had a sister.“

  
  
“Yes, but-I don‘t want to bother you with that stuff.“

  
  
“You‘re not bothering me,“ he said. “Just tell me.“  


  
Lily shrugged and sat down next to him.

  
  
“Well... we used to get along great, but then I got my Hogwarts letter. She‘s a Muggle, you know. She always thought it was kind of weird, going to a school where magic is taught. But she never said anything when Mum was still alive. Mum and Dad were so proud when I got my letter, we‘ve never had a witch in the family before. After Mum‘s death, Petunia and I-kind of grew apart. And now, we‘re not really talking anymore. Apart from insults, that is.“  


  
“Do you miss her?“ James asked. Lily was surprised. When she had told Dorcas how Petunia had called her a freak, Dorcas had become angry and called Petunia a few very foul names. When she had told Julie, the blonde had been sympathetic and told her not to listen to her sister.

  
  
“Yes,“ Lily whispered, her throat burning. “Yes, I miss her, even though she‘s so horrible at times. That‘s weird, isn‘t it?“

  
  
“No,“ James answered. “Not at all, Lily.“

  
  
Now she felt the burning sensation in her eyes too. She turned away from him so he wouldn‘t see her crying. Bending down her head, she sighed heavily. She felt a tear making down its way down her nose.

  
  
“Here,“ James said, handing her a hanky.

  
  
“I‘m such a wimp,“ she said apologetically, wiping away the tears. “You just lost your parents and here I am, blubbering because-“  


  
“It‘s OK,“ he said softly. She turned her face back to him, their noses were almost touching. His face came nearer and she found herself closing her eyes. She felt his breath tickle her skin when-

  
  
“Lily? Lily!“

  
  
Her eyes snapped open. James had already stood up. Feeling incredibly stupid, she got up as well.  


  
“There you are!“ Adam said reprovingly, walking up to them.  


  
“Yeah, we were just talking about the DADA-homework,“ she said, hoping he wouldn‘t see her blushing in the rather dark corridor.

  
  
Adam stared at her and Potter in turn.

  
  
“He didn‘t give us any,“ he said slowly, pronouncing every word as if to make sure she would understand him. He probably thought she was going crazy. Not that she blamed him.  


  
“Yeah well-that‘s the point,“ Lily said quickly. “I mean, erm-I asked him why he didn‘t give us any and asked him if I could do any work in advance during the holidays.“  


  
“Right,“ Adam said, looking back and forth between them. “Do you want to go back to the party now?“

  
  
“Er-no, I‘m tired,“ she said. “I‘d rather go to bed now.“

  
  
“All right,“ he said, “I‘ll walk you back to your common room.“  


  
“Good night,“ Lily said to James.  


  
“Good night, Lily, Blume,“ he answered politely.  


  
***

  
  
“What the hell was going on?“ Adam screamed for the thousandth time.  


  
“Nothing!“ Lily screamed back for the thousandth time.  


  
“But why the hell do you ask Potter if you could do any work in advance? Since when do you let Potter tell you what you‘re supposed to do?“

  
  
“I just asked him what we‘re going to do after the holidays!“

  
  
“Yeah, right,“ Adam said sarcastically.  


  
“Well, then don‘t believe me,“ Lily said heatedly. “I don‘t care. There wasn‘t anything between me and Potter because-“

  
  
“Because what?“  


  
Lily gave a cry of frustration and stormed away.  


  
“What‘s the matter?“ Dorcas and Julie asked in unison when Lily stalked into their dormitory.  


  
“I fought with Adam.“  


  
“Why?“

  
  
Lily didn‘t answer. Instead, she buried her head in her pillow.

  
  
Of course everything had been a misunderstanding. She and Potter hadn‘t been about to kiss each other. Both of them had been sad, that was all.

  
  
But why, _why_ , didn‘t she feel anymore like she hated Potter?  


 

A/N: Hehe, James was nice to Lily. So be nice to me and review! 


	8. Chapter 8-Coming home

**_Chapter 8_**  


  
A petite girl with long auburn locks got out of the bus, dragging a heavy trunk behind her. She was shivering because of the cold wind and hurried down the street. It was already dark. The few people who were on the streets threw the girl suspicious glances, looking disapprovingly at the torn jeans she was wearing. Nobody wanted to get into the girl‘s way; she had been at primary school in this village, and all the children had said she was strange, that she would always make odd things happen. Some people even called her a witch, but most people thought this was rubbish. They had been told that the girl was attending a boarding school in Scotland, but they were sure that this was a lie; they were convinced that the girl was mad and that she lived in some kind of psychiatry, only coming home for Christmas and two months in summer.

  
  
Yes, the Evans family was indeed a strange family. Mrs Evans had died of cancer a few years ago, and her widower, who was a lawyer, was ‘working‘ all the time. The only normal person, it seemed, was the oldest daughter, Petunia.

  
  
Lily Evans unlocked the door, stepping into the dark house.  


  
“Dad? Petunia? I‘m home!“  


  
She left her trunk in the hall, walking up the stairs to her room. She threw her coat on her bed and went to look for her father and sister. However, they were nowhere to be found. Sighing, she went down into the kitchen to get herself something to eat. Did they even know she was coming home today? She made herself a sandwich and went into the living room. It still looked like four years ago. Like always, Lily sighed as she threw a glance at the photographs at the chest of drawers. They were still the same photos like four years ago, when her mother had died. She walked over to them and blew, which resulted in a huge cloud of dust. Her father probably hadn‘t touched them ever since his wife‘s death.  


  
Feeling very lonely, Lily sat down on an armchair. Poor Potter, he probably felt even worse than her.

  
  
Lily shook her head. Why was she thinking of Potter again?   


  
Suddenly, she heard the front door being opened. She immediately recognized her sister‘s shrill voice. But there was another voice... Ugh. Marjorie Dursley.  


  
“It‘s going to be fantastic!“ Petunia gushed. When she entered the living room, she stared.  


  
“What are you doing here?“ she demanded. Lily frowned.

  
  
“I live here.“  


  
“Oh, really?“ Petunia sneered. “I thought that-“ she cut herself off, remembering that Marge was there, too. “I mean, why didn‘t you stay at that boarding school for the holidays?“

  
  
Lily was going to give a nasty answer, but then thought better of it. Potter‘s face had suddenly flashed in her mind, asking, _Do you miss her?_

  
  
“How have you been?“ she asked. What a pathetic attempt to start a conversation.

  
  
“What?“

  
  
“How have you been the last four months? What have you been doing?“  


  
“Not that it‘s any of your business, but I planned my wedding,“ Petunia said haughtily.

  
  
“What do you mean, you planned your wedding?“  


  
“Vernon and I are going to get married,“ Petunia said even more arrogantly. “He proposed to me in October.“

  
  
Lily realized that she must have looked very shocked, as Petunia snapped, “Oh, come on, close your mouth.“

  
  
“Oh,“ Lily spluttered, “erm, I mean, great, my congratulations. Why didn‘t you tell me before?“

  
  
“Why should I?“

  
  
Lily swallowed. “When is the wedding?“  


  
“In August. And I know who‘s definitely not going to be invited,“ Petunia leered. Lily stared.

  
  
“I‘m really sorry, dear sister, that there‘s no boy who wants to marry you,“ Petunia continued. “Not that I blame them.“

  
  
“Come on, Petunia, let‘s go to a café where we can talk in peace.“

  
  
“Good idea, Marge.“

  
  
With that, they left, leaving a very angry Lily behind.

  
  
***  


  
Lily had showered and unpacked her trunk and was now waiting for her father to get home. She was beginning to wonder if he cared about her at all.  


_  
Dad, I‘m glad you found someone after Mum‘s death_ , she thought sarcastically, _you‘re married to your work. So it‘s only me who‘s feeling lonely._  


  
No, that wasn‘t true. She had Dorcas, Julie and all her other friends and Adam of course. She wasn‘t lonely or friendless.

  
  
_But maybe you don‘t have Adam anymore_ , a little voice in her head said, _maybe he doesn‘t want you anymore after what happened last night..._

  
  
“Nothing happened last night,“ Lily said loudly. “Nothing at all.“

  
  
She got up and walked over to the window. It was raining outside. Lily felt the urge to go outside and walk down the street as she loved rain and she could also shock her neighbours by doing that. But then she changed her mind. It was mid-December after all, and very cold. It had also been snowing earlier this week, so the street would be muddy. Nevertheless, she opened the window and looked outside. She could see that all of her neighbours were sitting in their living rooms, watching TV. Lily snorted. It was always the same in small towns like the one she was living in. People were afraid to be different than the other, afraid that they would be the topic of the rumours if they didn‘t act ‘normal‘.

  
  
_And Petunia is one of them_ , Lily thought sadly.  


  
Suddenly, her door was opened.

  
  
“Lily!“ she heard someone say. She turned around, closing the window.

  
  
“Dad!“ she answered, and added sarcastically, “You‘re really early today.“  


  
“Sorry, sweetie, I had-“  


  
“-A lot of work to do, I know,“ Lily ended the sentence for him. “Did you even know I was coming home today? Or did you forget?“  


  
“Of course I didn‘t forget! Look in the fridge, I bought vegetarian food for you!“  


  
Lily suppressed a sarcastic “Great!“  


  
“I even bought it in a Health Food store, because you insisted you wanted milk from happy cows!“ her father babbled.  


  
“Thanks, Dad.“ Sighing, Lily followed him downstairs.

  
  
***  
  


  
On the 25th, Lily was woken by Petunia.

  
  
“Get up! Come on! Now!“

  
  
Lily got up and traipsed down the stairs. She sat down on the floor next to the Christmas tree.

  
  
“So, girls,“ their father said in a falsely cheerful voice, “let‘s unwrap our presents!“

  
  
Lily grabbed the present Dorcas had given her. It was a pretty bracelet. Oh Dorcas. She was probably having a jolly time at the moment, unwrapping her presents with her family who really cared about her. Depressed by this thought, she continued. Julie had given her a large book about Healing Charms (Lily wanted to become a Healer), Benjy a huge box of sweets, and Sally, Charlotte and Helen and written her a card, saying she could choose her present herself on the next Hogsmeade trip. Petunia hadn‘t given her anything, but Lily didn‘t care, as she hadn‘t bothered to get her sister something. After all, Petunia wouldn‘t use it, anyway.  


  
With a jolt, Lily realized that she had forgotten to give Adam his present. She shrugged it off. He would get it when he was back to normal.  


  
“Well, girls, I have still a bit of work to do,“ Mr Evans said awkwardly. Lily sighed. He said that every year. And in the evening, he would take them out for dinner. What a nice way to spend Christmas.  


  
Lily decided to go to Diagon Alley. Most shops were closed, but there would be surely some coffee shop that was open. What else was there to do? She got up and went upstairs to take a shower.

  
  
***  


  
Diagon Alley was deserted. Most shops were closed, but Lily found a pub that was opened; she didn‘t want to stay in the Leaky Cauldron. Tom, the barkeeper, wasn‘t there and his substitute was an unfriendly witch with whom Lily didn‘t want to spend any time. This pub reminded her strongly of the Hog‘s Head in Hogsmeade. The dirty windows were framed with black velvet curtains, and something that looked like blood had been smeared on the walls. And the floor-well, the best thing about it was that you couldn‘t see it because it was covered with dirt. After ordering a tea, Lily sat down, looking around.  


  
The few people who sat in the pub looked rather dubious. Lily found herself wishing fervently that she hadn‘t come here when-  


  
“God, what are you doing here?“  


  
She looked around and saw Sirius Black standing behind her.  


  
“Well, what are you doing here?“ Lily asked back.  


  
“I saw you going in here, and I thought I‘d follow,“ Sirius said. “You shouldn‘t be in here, Knockturm Alley‘s only a few metres away.“  


  
“So what?“  


  
“So what? It‘s dangerous!“  


  
“Oh, dear!“ Lily exclaimed in a falsely hysterical voice. “I could be raped by some bad wizard!“

  
  
“Yeah, you could, but now I‘m here to save you.“

  
  
Lily snorted. She certainly didn‘t need Black to save her.

  
  
“Well, what are you doing here? It‘s Christmas, the feast of love,“ Black said. “Why aren‘t you with your family?“  


  
“Why aren’t you with your family?“ she snapped back. She knew that Black didn‘t get along with his parents, but he was getting on her nerves right now and she wanted to get rid off him.

  
  
There was a silence.

  
  
“I don‘t want to show up at their place. That would only remind them what a disappointment their son is. I don‘t want to spoil their Christmas, after all.“

  
  
Lily instantly felt bad for her remark when she heard his bitter answer.  


  
“We‘re not... celebrating Christmas,“ she said after a few moments, unable to find a better excuse.  


  
“I see,“ Black said. “I was looking if an apothecary has opened.“

  
  
“Why?“ Lily asked curiously.

  
  
“James drank too much last night,“ Black said matter-of-factly.

  
  
“What?“

  
  
“Yeah, he has yet to understand that boozing won‘t solve his problems.“  


  
There was a silence, which Sirius broke.

  
  
“Did I really say that?“ he asked, looking shocked. Lily burst out laughing.  


  
“Sirius Black just said that alcohol doesn‘t solve anything! I think it‘s you who needs a potion! What did you smoke?“  


  
“Nothing!“ Black exclaimed indignantly. “I‘m serious!“  


  
“Black, that serious/Sirius joke is so-“

  
  
“That wasn‘t a joke! I‘m really serious!“  


  
Lily sighed, shaking her head. “So, did you get the ingredients for a hangover potion?“  


  
“Nope,“ Sirius said, shrugging. “I‘m going to Remus‘s place now, maybe he has some. Or do you-“  


  
“Sorry, all my ingredients are at Hogwarts,“ Lily answered, smiling apologetically. He shrugged. “Whatever. Are you coming?“

  
  
“Coming?“  


  
“I‘m not going to leave you alone here!“ he exclaimed, seemingly shocked that she would even think such a thing. “It‘s Christmas! Today, all the lunatics who don‘t have a family or friends are coming here! It could be dangerous!“  


  
Lily snorted, wondering if Sirius realized what he was talking. Both of them were those ‘lunatics‘ who weren‘t welcome at home.  


  
“And besides,“ he continued, “even if your family doesn‘t celebrate Christmas, I‘m sure they want you home. After all, you are at Hogwarts most of the year. So they probably want to see as much as possible of you during the holidays, don‘t they?“  


  
“I wish,“ Lily muttered darkly. Sirius frowned.  


  
“Something you want to talk about?“

  
  
“Nah,“ Lily said, getting up and searching for money in her pockets. “Better hurry to get that hangover potion for Potter.“

  
  
“Yeah, you‘re right,“ Sirius agreed as Lily put the money for the tea on the table. “Let‘s go.“

  
  
When they were halfway down the street, Sirius suddenly came up with a crazy idea.

  
  
“Lily, why don‘t you come to James with me?“

  
  
“What?“  


  
“Yeah! I‘m sure he‘d be delighted!“

  
  
“Sirius,“ Lily said, frowning, “I‘m sure I‘m the last person James wants to see when his parents just died and he‘s lying on the couch with a hangover.“

  
  
“So you‘re sure about that? Well, I‘m not.“  


  
Lily gave him a look that clearly said she thought he was nuts.  


  
“No, really! Yesterday, while he was getting drunk, he told me that he had talked to you.“

  
  
“Yeah, he did,“ Lily confirmed, remembering how they had sat together. She felt herself go red as she remembered how she had started crying like a little girl in front of him.

  
  
“Well, to me it seemed as though he liked it. You should have heard him talking, it was Lily this, Lily that.“  


  
“I hadn‘t the impression that I helped him that much.“

  
  
“Oh,“ Sirius said, and now he was grinning, “trust me, just being in your company helps him.“  


  
“Why?“

  
  
Sirius stopped walking. Lily came to a halt, too. He was grinning in a strange way. She frowned.

  
  
“You don‘t mean-you don‘t want to say-“ she stared at him, then started walking again. “Don‘t try to tell me that Potter-that-that he likes me! I know he doesn‘t!“  


  
“Why not?“ Sirius asked, catching up with her.

  
  
“All the things he‘s done to me-you don‘t do them to someone you like!“  


  
“What has he done to you?“

  
  
“Well-for example, he gave me detention!“

  
  
Sirius grinned only wider.  


  
“He made me clean the dungeons! Without magic!“  


  
Sirius yawned. “So what?“  


  
“He‘s always picking on me, one time he even threw me out of his lesson!“

  
  
Sirius laughed, and suddenly he put his arms around her, pressing her against him. “Oh, Lily, you‘re so sweet and so naive-“

  
  
“I‘m not naive!“ Lily protested, her voice coming out muffled as her face was currently pressed against Sirius‘s chest.

  
  
“Of course not,“ Sirius said, smiling. “And of course James doesn‘t like you.“  


  
“Well, he doesn‘t!“  


  
“Yeah, he just talks about you all the time because he hates you so much.“   


  
They had reached the Leaky Cauldron now. Lily frowned at Sirius.

  
  
“What do you mean, he‘s talking about me all the time?“

  
  
Sirius just winked at her. Taking a handful of floo powder, he threw it into the fire.

  
  
“36, Charleston Street,“ he called, probably off to Remus. Lily shook her head, taking a bit of powder to floo home as well.

  
  
Petunia wasn‘t there when she arrived. Probably off with her sweet Vernon, Lily thought acidly. Her father was still working, so she just went upstairs to her bedroom. Letting herself fall on her bed, she contemplated the things she had just discussed with Sirius Black.

  
_  
It was Lily this, Lily that...Trust me, just being in your company helps him...  
_

  
Potter couldn‘t like her, it just wasn‘t possible. Sure, when he was about fifteen, he had asked her out about a thousand times... but not because he liked her, but because she had one of the few girls he hadn‘t snogged. And when she hadn‘t fallen for him, he had become angry. That was the reason he hated her.

  
  
Suddenly, Sirius‘s face flashed in her mind, saying, “Yes, that‘s the reason he hates you... Because he can‘t have you. He hates you because he wants to have you, but he can‘t have you.“  


  
“Rubbish,“ Lily said aloud. “And get out of my mind, Sirius Black.“  


  
There was a knock on the door.

  
  
“Come in.“  


  
It was her father.

  
  
“I was wondering if you want to go out for dinner tonight,“ he asked her. _Like every year_ , Lily thought dully.

  
  
“Yes, why not,“ she answered. _It‘s not as though my thoughts are so nice and pleasant that I could ponder them the whole evening._

_  
_   
“Great. I‘ll look for Petunia;“ he said. Lily was too lazy to tell him that she wasn‘t home. Turning her head back to the ceiling, she sighed heavily.

  
  
“Potter does not fancy me. Never did, never will!“

  
  
And that wasn‘t the point anyway. Lily sat up straight, swallowing hard.

  
  
Why did she think so much of the stuff Sirius had told her?  


  
Why did she think of Potter all the time? Why did she wonder how he felt?

  
  
And why, _why_ did the thought of Potter liking her not annoy her? Why wasn‘t she feeling disgusted just thinking about such an idea? Why did she feel as though she actually _liked_ the idea?  


 

 

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I hope you like this one, too! 


	9. Chapter 9

_ **Chapter 9** _

  
  
James had woken up with his head reeling. He had felt very sick, and so Sirius had gone to get a hangover potion. He had slept horribly, having nightmares. But his parents hadn‘t been the only ones to visit his dreams. He vaguely remembered flashes of red hair and a pretty face. But whenever he had reached out for her in his dreams, she had disappeared. But her face hadn‘t faded like the ones of his parents, no, there had been a flash of green light, and then she was gone. James gripped his bed sheets hard.

  
  
He had to stop thinking about her. He didn‘t like her... or did he? He sighed. When Dumbledore had told him about his parents having died, he had felt terribly alone and isolated... But then Lily had come and shown him that he wasn‘t the only one who had a problem like this. It had felt kind of nice, knowing that you weren‘t alone with your mourning. She had understood how he felt... He had felt as though he didn‘t really belong anymore, but she had shown him that he wasn‘t alone with his feelings, and she had given him a feeling of belonging.  


  
But what he had liked the most was that for a moment, she had given him the feeling that he belonged with _her._  


  
He heard someone rushing out of the chimney. So Sirius was back.  


  
“Remus had a hangover-potion,“ he said as he entered James‘s bedroom with a small bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.  


  
“Thanks for fetching it, Sirius,“ James said, emptying the small bottle. He pulled a face and quickly drank some water. Should he tell Sirius about his strange feelings for Lily? If James had a problem with a girl, he normally asked Remus about it. Remus, being the most sensitive of the Marauders, was always able to give good advice. But in this case, James would rather not ask him. Remus was always a bit strange when it came to Lily Evans. 

  
  
After all, James had used to bash her verbally. James felt himself flush with shame as he remembered how he had often attacked her without the slightest provocation and had made cynical and offensive comments about her weaknesses. James picking on Lily had always bothered Remus. James remembered how Remus had sometimes not spoken to him for several days when James had been particularly mean to Lily (which had happened quite often, actually).  


  
No, Remus was definitely not the right person to address this time.  


  
“Prongs? You OK?“ Sirius asked, his brows raised.  


  
“What? Oh, yes, I‘m feeling much better now,“ James mumbled.

  
  
“Guess who I met at Diagon Alley?“ Sirius said, throwing himself on James‘s bed.

  
  
“Who?“ James asked, unconcerned.

  
  
“Your favourite student,“ Sirius answered, smirking. Seeing James‘s questioning look, he added, “Lily Evans...“  


  
“Oh, really?“ James said, trying to sound not too interested. “What was she doing there? It‘s Christmas.“ He remembered Lily telling him how her family had fallen apart after her mum‘s death. But surely they would spend Christmas together... wouldn‘t they?

  
  
Sirius shrugged. “Told me her family didn‘t celebrate Christmas.“  


  
“Sirius...“ James hesitated, then continued, “Sirius, can I... tell you something?“

  
  
“Sure, why not?“  


  
“You mustn‘t laugh!“ James said warningly.

  
  
“All right, I won‘t,“ Sirius said impatiently. “Just tell me already.“

  
  
James sighed heavily. “Sirius, I think... that I might-“

  
  
He stopped, sighing again. Sirius raised his eyebrows.

  
  
“IthinkImightlikeLilyEvans,“ James said very quickly.

  
  
“A bit more slowly, please?“ Sirius said.

  
  
“I think I might like Lily Evans,“ James said through gritted teeth.

  
  
Sirius jumped up. “Say that again!“ he commanded.

  
  
“I think I might be in love with Lily Evans,“ James told him again.

  
  
“Oh, God. Oh my God!“ Sirius exclaimed. “Oh God-it‘s the apocalypse! Hell has frozen over!“ He opened the window and shouted, “Oh, God, if you really exist, THANK YOU!“

  
  
“What are you on about?“ James asked angrily.  


  
“It‘s-it‘s a miracle!“ Sirius exclaimed, the corners of his mouth twitching. “James Potter has admitted that he likes Lily Evans! I‘ve been waiting for this day for three years!“  


  
“I haven‘t even liked her that long!“ James protested.  


  
“Of course not,“ Sirius said. “James, you have liked her since fifth year!“   


  
“That‘s not the point anyway!“ James said. “The point is that she hates me!“

  
  
“Hates you?“  


  
“Yes, and it‘s my fault! Why did I always have to be so horrible to her? She‘s going to hate me forever!“

  
  
“No, I don‘t think so.“

  
  
“Remember all the terrible things I‘ve done to her! What about the prank I played on her during her sixth year? The one in Hogsmeade?“  


  
Sirius scrunched up his face in thought. “You mean when you used Levicorpus on her, stunned her friends so they wouldn‘t help her and snooped around in her bag while she was hanging upside-down in the air?“  


  
“Yes,“ James said, abashed. “And then I found her diary and read it aloud.“  


  
“Well,“ Sirius said scratching his head, “but let‘s look on the bright side. She didn‘t wear a skirt that day, so it wasn‘t as embarrassing as it could have been-“  


  
“Well, that makes it better,“ James mumbled sarcastically.  
  


“-And you read out the passages where she wrote about her crush on that Julian Fenwick. And later, it turned out that he liked her, too! So it was really an advantage for her!“  


  
“That doesn‘t matter! I did it with a bad intention!“  


  
“But she got her revenge,“ Sirius said. “That friend of hers, Dorcas, punched you in the face for doing it.“  
  


“But the pranks aren‘t the worst,“ James whispered, appalled. “The worst are the things I‘ve said to her... all the insults...“  


  
“There‘s only one solution,“ Sirius told him.  


  
James eyed him warily. “And that would be?“  
  


“You‘ll try to prove her that you‘re not the prick she thinks you are,“ Sirius said. “And if that doesn‘t work-grovel.“  
  


“Grovel?“ James asked. “Must I?“  
  


“If you want the girl,“ Sirius shrugged.  
  


“But there‘s something else,“ James continued. “Relationships between teachers and students are forbidden.“  
  


“Firstly,“ Sirius replied, “it‘s going to take some time to convince Lily that you‘re not that bad. By the time you have convinced her-if you are able to, it‘s possible that she won‘t forgive you-the school year might be already over. And then she‘s not a student anymore. Secondly, you‘re only one year older than her-“  
  


“One and a half,“ James corrected him.  
  


“Big deal,“ Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “And thirdly, Dumbledore won‘t care.“  
  


James sighed and let himself fall back on his pillow.  


  
***  
  


Lily Evans was getting ready to go out for dinner, unaware that James Potter was making plans to make her like him at the very moment. She put on some reggae music while she was looking into the mirror, unsure about what to wear. She looked through her trunk, finding jeans that were ripped at the knees. She was playing with the thought to wear them to spite Petunia, but then dropped that thought. Finally she pulled out a simple black shirt, a brown skirt made of corduroy and a pair of brown tights.   
  


“Lily! Are you ready to go?“ she heard her father call.   


  
“Just a moment!“ she called back, searching for her new sneakers. After seeing the poor state her old sneakers and her dirty black converse chucks were in, her father had driven her to the next town two days ago. He had given her money and had insisted that she should get herself a ‘nice pair of high heels like all the young girls wear‘. Lily had simply snorted at this and had gotten herself a pair of brown Dunlop sneakers.  


  
Her father would probably take them to some exquisite restaurant, like every year. Lily  
smirked slightly at the thought what Petunia would say when she turned up with sneakers. Grabbing her black coat and her bag, she descended the stairs. When she was halfway down, she was greeted with the sight of Vernon, Petunia‘s fiancé. Vernon avoided looking at his future sister-in-law at all costs. In the summer holidays, he had barged into Lily‘s room without knocking. At this very moment, Lily had been doing magic. Since then, Vernon knew that Lily was a witch. And since he hated anything that wasn‘t what he called ‘normal‘, he hated Lily as well.  


  
“Vernon will be joining us at dinner,“ her father told her good-naturedly.  


  
“Oh, nice,“ she mumbled. Petunia glared at her.  


  
That was going to be a long evening.  


  
***  


  
And she was right. Vernon told them everything about his job (he would inherit a firm from his father, which made drills). Lily was bored out of her mind. But when Vernon started telling stupid jokes, she had enough. She raised her eyebrows when her father smiled politely and her sister gave a shrill, fake laugh.  


  
“Very funny. I‘m splitting my sides laughing,“ she said coldly.  


  
Petunia scowled at her. “You‘re just jealous because nobody‘s interested in your boring stories from your-your school.“ She whispered the last word.  


  
“Yeah, right,“ Lily said sarcastically. “And that‘s why you always sneaked into my room in the summer holidays to read my newspaper.“  


  
“You-I don‘t know what you‘re talking about,“ Petunia hissed.  


  
“Nobody is interested in you and your abnormal abilities,“ Vernon said. It was the first time this evening that he even spoke to her. Slightly amused, Lily noticed that he turned his head several times while he spoke to make sure nobody was listening to him.  


  
“Abnormal?“ she said, her eyebrows raised.  


  
“Yes. It‘s abnormal what you‘re doing, and I‘m glad that it wasn‘t me who got that damned letter.“  


  
Lily gave a mirthless laugh. “Oh, Petunia, come off it. You‘re only calling me abnormal so you can feel better about yourself.“  


  
“I don‘t need that. It‘s the other way round, really. You‘re the one who wants all the attention to improve her self-esteem. But I understand, Lily. If I was you, it‘d be hard for me to feel good about myself, too.“  


  
Lily gripped her napkin very hard. Their father was watching the argument with a stony expression on his face.   


  
“Shut your face, Petunia!“ Lily hissed, her temper getting the better of her again. “You, the nosy person you are, always snoop around in other people‘s business. And why do you do that? Because you need to hear about their mistakes, about their failures, their weaknesses so you can tell yourself you‘re better than that. I don‘t need that. Nobody in his or her right mind needs that. I pity you, Petunia, I really do. Your self-esteem is so low that you need other people to feel miserable in order to make you feel good. You‘ve become the lowest, most horrible and superficial creature I‘ve ever had the misfortune to meet!“  


  
“Lily!“ her father said. “How can you say something like that to your sister-“  


  
“I don‘t have a sister,“ Lily said coldly, standing up and throwing her napkin on the table. “I lost her long ago, when she started turning into what she is now.“  


  
With that, she stormed out of the restaurant.  


  
It was bitter cold outside and she hadn‘t brought her coat. Angry tears were making their way down her cheeks. She wiped them away impatiently.  


  
“LILY!“ She turned around. It was her father. And he was seething with rage.  


  
“Go in there at once and apologize to your sister!“ he roared.  


  
“No,“ Lily said simply.  


  
“What do you mean, ‘no‘?“  


  
“I‘m not going to apologize to her,“ Lily said. She was surprised how calm her voice sounded. She was fuming on the inside. “What I said was the truth, and nothing but the truth. It had to be said.“  


  
“No,“ he bellowed at her. “You spoiled our Christmas, and the least you can do is to apologize!“  


  
She simply snorted.  


  
“Are you going to do what I told you, or what?“ her father shouted.

  
“No,“ Lily said again. “I only told her what I think of her."  


  
“You will tell her that you‘re sorry or-“   


  
“Or what?“ Lily asked quietly.  


  
He glowered at her. Lily had never seen him that angry. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, breathing slowly in and out to calm herself.  


  
“You spoiled our Christmas,“ he repeated, glaring at his daughter.  


  
“Yeah, right!“ she yelled. “We had a wonderful, lovely day, hadn‘t we?“  


  
“What are you on about?“  


  
“Christmas is always the same since Mum died! You‘re working all day long, and in the evening, you take us out for dinner! It‘s actually the same every time I return home! You‘re working all the time, you never really listen to me, you never care when I tell you about my grades, you didn‘t even care that Dumbledore and McGonagall made me the bloody Head Girl!“  


  
He only stared at her.  


  
“And now you‘re acting as though you actually care if Petunia and I get along. You never ask one of us how we feel, and now you pretend to care about our relationship when you don‘t give a fucking damn-“  


  
Lily‘s head whipped to the right as her father‘s hand slapped her across the cheek, hard. She touched her stinging cheek lightly with her fingertips; her father was staring at his hand as though he couldn‘t quite believe what he had just done.  


  
“Great,“ she spat. “Now that‘s a nice way to solve one‘s problems.“  


  
“How dare you,“ he yelled, snapping out of his daze, “how dare you say that I don‘t care about Petunia and you?“  


  
“It‘s the truth,“ Lily said quietly.  


  
“It‘s not!“ he bellowed. “I gave you everything, didn‘t I? Clothes, books, money... You just had to say a word and I gave it to you!“  


  
“Yes,“ Lily said in a choked voice, her salty tears making her cheek sting even more, “but I wanted a bit more than just being spoilt rotten.“  


  
“Like what?“ her father asked, fuming. “Every other teenager would kill to have a life like you! What is it that you want so badly?“  


  
She only sobbed.  


  
“What?“ he asked. “Don‘t annoy me any more, Lily, I‘ve had enough.“  


  
“Isn‘t it obvious?“ Lily said, her voice shaking.  


  
“No,“ her dad said impatiently. “Please enlighten me.“  


  
“All I‘ve ever wanted since Mum‘s death was-“ she sighed heavily, wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt and continued, “all I‘ve wanted you to do was to show that-that you care about me and that you love me-“ She couldn‘t speak anymore. She leaned against a lamppost and cried her heart out.  


  
“And what,“ her father asked through gritted teeth, “makes you think that I don‘t love you?“  


  
There was a silence. Lily was still sobbing uncontrollably.  


  
“Answer me!“ he yelled.   


  
“Your behaviour,“ she choked out.  


  
For a few minutes, neither of them said a word.  


  
“I want to go home,“ Lily said finally.  


  
“Fine. We‘ll drive home,“ her father agreed. Lily didn‘t tell him that she had meant Hogwarts when she had said ‘home‘.  


  
“But I still want you to apologize to your sister.“  


  
“I told you I won‘t.“  


  
“You‘ll do what I tell you!“  


  
She became even angrier. “I don‘t have to do anything you tell me!“  


  
“Oh yes, you do! You‘re seventeen, and as long as you‘re still under-age, you‘ll do exactly what I tell you to do.“  


  
“In _my_ world,“ Lily extremely stressed the ‘my‘, “I am considered an adult. We come of age at seventeen.“  


  
She could see something like hurt flickering in his eyes, but it was immediately replaced with anger.  


  
“All right,“ he said, “so you won‘t apologize?“  


  
“Definitely not.“  


  
“Fine. You might be an adult in the Wizarding World, but you‘re still a child in this one. You‘re under house arrest now. You won‘t go out, and you won‘t leave your room unless it‘s to go to the bathroom or to get yourself something to eat. And it‘s going to continue until you apologize for the things you‘ve said. Have I made myself clear?“  


  
“Yes,“ Lily said coldly, and just to spite him, she added, “Why would I want to go out anyway? What would I want wandering around in this boring village full of Muggles?“  


  
He glowered at her. “I‘m going to get Petunia and Vernon now.“ He turned on his heel and walked back to the restaurant.  


  
“Dad?“ she called after him. He stopped, but didn‘t turn around to look at her. “When are _you_ going to apologize to me?“  


  
“I have nothing to say sorry for,“ he replied coolly.

  
  
“Hitting me and treating me like a stranger for four and a half years is nothing?“ she said. He just continued walking.  


  
“That‘s right, dad, just walk away,“ she yelled. “No problem, another thing to add to my list ‘Mistakes I‘m definitely not going to make if I ever have children of my own‘.“

  
  
A few minutes later, her father and Petunia left the restaurant. Vernon had already gone.

  
  
“Look what you did to your sister!“ Mr Evans shouted angry, handing Lily her coat. Petunia was wiping away fake tears with a hanky.  


  
“She‘s only faking it,“ Lily hissed, getting into the back of their car. “It takes a really dense person not to notice it.“  


  
“Don‘t make things worse for you, young lady,“ her father snapped, glaring at her in the rearview mirror.

  
  
Lily clenched her fists. Who did that man think he was? For the past four and a half years, he had never cared if Petunia and she got along, and now he was playing the concerned father. She shivered, and it wasn‘t because of the cold. Although they were sitting in the same car, Lily had never felt so far away from her family.  


  
When the car stopped in front of their house, she quickly got out and hurried towards the house. She just wanted to get to her room.  


  
“...Lily?“  


  
Halfway up the stairs, she turned around to see her father standing at the bottom of the staircase.  


  
“Yes?“

  
  
He was fidgeting. Lily suddenly noticed the grey hairs and the wrinkles on his face.

  
  
“I guess it was wrong to hit you,“ he said. “Sorry.“

  
  
Lily simply stared at him. At this very moment, she realized that this wasn‘t her father anymore, that this wasn‘t the man who had brought her up. This wasn‘t the man who always had had a spare minute to play with his daughters and listen to their problems anymore. He wasn‘t the man who used to bring her to bed every night and he wasn‘t the man who‘d never lay a hand on his children anymore.  


  
He had changed. If it had been the shock of his wife‘s death or being lonely, Lily didn‘t know. She only knew that the person standing down there was a complete stranger to her, and she was probably a stranger to him, too. Her eyes prickled and she quickly turned around, hurrying up the stairs.  


  
“Lily?“  


  
Mr Evans heard how Lily slammed her door shut and turned the key in the lock.  


  
“Teenagers,“ he mumbled, shaking his head and walking into the kitchen.

  
  
***  


  
Lily lay on her bed, sobbing. Had he regarded her as a stranger all the time? Was this the reason he been so distanced all the time when she had told him about her friends and her school-life? Or had it been because she had told him about a world totally different from his, a world that he didn‘t know and could never understand? Probably both, Lily supposed. She sighed and found herself fervently wishing (and not for the first time) that she could be a child again, that her mother would be still alive, that she and Petunia would be best friends like they always used to be, and that their father would love them.

  
  
But it was far too late now. The wall that had slowly grown between Lily and her family ever since she went to Hogwarts was finally complete. Her life in the Muggle World was becoming less and less important and her life in the Wizarding World was becoming more important with every step that Lily did away from her family. It was where she really belonged.   


  
That night, she realized that nothing held her in the Muggle World anymore. Her father and her sister were strangers to her, and her mother was dead. Lily smiled sadly, remembering how she had always clung to her mum when she was little, convinced that she could never survive without her. But that was over now. It had been over since four and a half years, really. But it was that night that Lily understood that she didn‘t need someone to tell her what to do anymore. Even though her father probably didn‘t realize it, she wasn‘t little Lily-flower anymore. She was Head Girl Lily Evans, an extraordinarily gifted witch, a young woman who had to decide for herself now. Even if her father considered her a child or a hormonal teenager, she was grown-up now. In sixth months, she would graduate from Hogwarts and she would live on her own. In the Wizarding World, her new home.

  
  
***  


  
Lily slept in the next morning. When she finally woke up, she saw an owl sitting outside her window with her copy of the Daily Prophet. Lily got up tiredly, giving the bird an owl treat and put five knuts in the small leather pouch tied to its leg. Without looking at it, she threw the paper on her desk and went to have a shower.  


  
After having dressed, she took the newspaper. When she looked at the front page, her heart missed a beat. No, not again. There was a photo of a ruin that must have been a mansion before, with the Dark Mark hovering over it.

  
  
Death Eater attacks had increased recently, and pictures like this were often to be seen on the front pages of Wizarding newspapers. Lily read the article hastily. Apparently, Voldemort and his Death Eaters hadn‘t had any particular victims, they just killed random people. Lily clenched her jaw. How sick could you get?  


_  
“About 200 Muggles and about 80 magical people were killed...“ “ Ministry‘s busy to modify the surviving Muggle‘s memories...“_  
  
Next to the article, there was a list of the witches and wizards who had been killed. Lily skimmed over it-and screamed out in horror.  
  
_Charlotte and Edward Meadowes._  



	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10** _

 

“No...that‘s not true!“ Lily mumbled. “It‘s not them-they can‘t be-“

 

Charlotte and Edward had been both pure-bloods; Edward had been the Head of the Department of International Magical Co-operation and Charlotte had worked in the Improper Use of Magic Office. As far as Lily knew, neither of them had actively participated in the fight against Voldemort. So why had they been killed?

 

Tears sprung to her eyes. _Probably just for fun_ , she thought.

 

“These bastards!“ she screamed. “These sick bastards!“

 

She had to see Dorcas. She couldn‘t let her go alone through this. She skimmed over the article again, quickly finding what she was looking for.

 

_“The survivors are currently being taken care of in St Mungo‘s Hospital.“  
_

 

Lily put on her sneakers as fast as she could, grabbed her wand and the little box with floo powder and ran down the stairs.

 

“Lily! What are you doing-“ 

 

“I can‘t explain now-“

 

Her father grabbed her arm and held her back. “What do you think you‘re doing? You‘re going nowhere-“

 

“Dad, I‘ll explain to you later-“

 

“You‘ll explain nothing!“ he shouted. “You‘ll stay here! You‘re under house arrest, remember?“ 

 

Lily had no choice. She pointed her wand at him. “Let go off me, Dad, I‘m serious.“ 

 

He let go off her arm as though having received an electric shock. She threw him an apologizing glance. Grabbing a handful of floo powder, she said, “I‘ll explain everything later.“ 

 

Throwing the powder in the fire, she yelled, “St Mungo‘s!“

 

***

 

Arriving at St Mungo‘s, Lily immediately ran to the welcome witch’s desk, getting curious stares because of her Muggle clothing.

 

“I need to see Dorcas Meadowes!“ Lily panted.

 

“No, darling,“ the welcome witch told her unfriendly, “you need to queue up like everyone else.“ She gestured to the people standing behind Lily.

 

“Please! It‘s an emergency! I‘m her best friend, I need to see her at once!“

 

The woman rolled her eyes. “Fine, what happened to that Dorcas Meadowes?“

 

“Her parents were killed in last night‘s Death Eater attack and-“

 

“Sorry, you can‘t see her,“ the welcome witch said. “Next!“ 

 

“Moment! Why can‘t I see her?“ 

 

“Security restrictions,“ the welcome witch answered. “All survivors are on the fourth floor, Spell damage, but nobody except close family may visit them.“ 

 

Lily snorted inwardly. It would take more than an unpleasant witch to stop her from seeing her best friend. She walked through the double doors into the narrow corridor, running up the stairs. Panting, she reached the fourth floor, but stopped dead when she saw all the people standing there. She frowned, walking towards them.

 

“What do you want, miss?“ one of the asked as he saw her approaching.

 

“I‘m here to see Dorcas Meadowes. Her parents were killed last night-“

 

“You can‘t see her, sorry,“ a woman said, frowning at Lily.

 

“But I need to see her! She‘s my best friend, I can‘t let her go through this alone!“

 

“We can‘t do anything, it‘s the security restrictions. I am sorry, but you cannot see her.“

 

Lily was on the verge of tears, when a familiar voice said, “What‘s going on here?“

 

“Sirius!“ Lily gasped.

 

“What‘s going on?“

 

“This young woman wants to see a friend whose parents were killed last night. But we mustn‘t let anyone in in case some Death Eater wants to finish what they started last night.“

 

Sirius snorted. “Ever seen a Muggle-born Death Eater?“

 

“It doesn‘t matter if she is a Muggle-born or not! They could have kidnapped her and-“

 

“Lily,“ Sirius said impatiently, “tell me, why did I use to make fun of Dorcas?“

 

“Because she asked Remus to give her lessons in Arithmancy even though she wasn‘t taking Arithmancy at all.“

 

Sirius grinned. “That‘s the real Lily Evans.“

 

“Yes, but still-“

 

“What if I stay next to her all the time? Can she see her friend, then?“

 

“She still could attack her!“

 

Sirius groaned, snatched Lily‘s wand from her hands and pocketed it.

 

“There, happy now?“

 

The man and the woman looked as though they didn‘t know what to say. Finally, the woman said, “All right, but only for ten minutes.“

 

“Oh, thank you!“ Lily said, relieved. Sirius took her arm and dragged her through the double doors signposted “SPELL DAMAGE“. 

 

“What are you doing here, Sirius?“ Lily asked while they walked through the long corridor.

 

“Most Aurors are out to look for the Death Eaters, and so they used Aurors-in-training to guard the survivors. I‘ve been here since one a.m. I‘ve just been replaced.“

 

“Oh!“ Lily said. “So I‘m keeping you up? Sorry.“

 

Sirius snorted. “Oh yeah, Lily, I have to stay up ten minutes longer! That‘s really much time! Lily, you nasty girl, how could you do that to me?“

 

Lily smiled slightly. Sirius stopped in front of one of the wards where two Aurors-in-training were standing guard.

 

“What are you still doing here, Sirius?“ one of them asked.

 

“I‘m just accompanying Miss Evans here to see Dorcas Meadowes,“ he answered. Before one of the Aurors could say anything, he added, “She‘s family.“

 

The guards nodded and stepped aside. Lily and Sirius entered the Ward. 

 

“Lily! Oh, Lily!“

 

Dorcas ran up to Lily and hugged her tightly.

 

“How did you come in here? The Aurors and Healers told us we weren‘t allowed to have visitors.“

 

“With a little help,“ Lily smiled, pointing at Sirius, who grinned slightly. 

 

“Oh,“ Dorcas said, a look of surprise on her face.

 

“I‘m staying here,“ Sirius said. “If you have anything to talk about, do it quickly, because we only have ten minutes.“

 

Dorcas pulled Lily over to her bed.

 

“How are you?“ Lily whispered urgently. Dorcas shrugged, smiling bitterly. Then she clapped her hands over her face, sobbing.

 

“Oh, Dorcas,“ Lily said. “I‘m so sorry...“ She wrapped her arms around her friend.

 

“It was so horrible, Lily... I woke up in the middle of the night because it was so noisy downstairs. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. Probably Mum or Dad did it so I wouldn‘t get out and the Death Eaters wouldn‘t get into my room. I just heard the screaming downstairs... and then it was suddenly silent.“

 

“Dorcas, you don‘t have to tell me if you don‘t want to,“ Lily said softly. Dorcas shook her head and went on, “Several minutes passed by, but still nobody came. Finally, I climbed out of the window. And then I saw this thing over our house and-and then I knew what had happened.“

 

“Thing?“ Lily asked.

 

“The Dark Mark,“ Dorcas choked out. “The Death Eaters were already away. They probably thought I wasn‘t home or something like that.“

 

She laid her head on Lily‘s shoulder and cried. Lily only held her, not knowing what else to do.

 

After a few minutes, Sirius came over to them.

 

“I‘m so sorry,“ he whispered. “But the ten minutes are over...“

 

Dorcas let go off Lily.

 

“I‘ll try to come again,“ Lily said quietly. “I promise.“

 

“Bye, Lily,“ Dorcas sobbed.

 

Before Lily went out of the door, she threw one last glance at her best friend. She was lying on her bed miserably, staring at the ceiling.

 

Lily and Sirius walked down the corridor in silence, and it wasn‘t until they arrived at the staircase until Lily said anything.

 

“Thanks for bringing me to her, Sirius,“ she told him.

 

“You‘re welcome,“ he said.

 

Lily‘s eyes prickled. She blinked a few times, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape from her eyes.

 

“Are you all right?“ he asked, concerned.

 

“Yeah,“ she said.

 

“You don‘t look it,“ he told her truthfully.

 

Tears spilled from her eyes. She wiped them away hastily, but new tears came. Suddenly she found herself in Sirius‘s arms, crying into his robes.

 

When she had calmed down a bit, he said, “Let‘s go to the Visitor‘s tearoom and have a cup of tea. You can tell me what is wrong then.“

 

“I don‘t have any money with me,“ Lily replied. Sirius smiled slightly.

 

“What are dashingly handsome young wizards there for, if not to invite pretty young witches for tea?“ he asked.

 

“Yes, but you‘ve been up all night and morning. I don‘t want to keep you up any longer-“

 

“It‘s okay, Lily,“ he said. “I couldn‘t sleep anyway, not after all what happened.“

 

***

 

When Lily took her cup full of hot tea, she suddenly realized how cold her hands were. She quickly took a sip.

 

“So, Lily,“ Sirius said, putting sugar in his tea, “what‘s the matter?“

 

“A lot, actually,“ she said, sighing heavily. “And everything seems to be connected with each other.“

 

“How so?“ Sirius asked, frowning.

 

“Sirius?“ she said hesitantly. “Can I ask you something very personal?“

 

He nodded.

 

“Sirius, why did you run away from home?“ Upon seeing the look on his face, she quickly added, “You don‘t have to answer if you don‘t want to talk about it.“

 

“No, no, it‘s okay,“ he told her, putting his head in his hands. “Lily... what do you know about the Black family?“

 

  
  
“Not really much,“ she answered, confused at this strange question. “Well, I know that the Blacks are an old and very rich pure-blood family... and most Blacks I‘ve heard of are or were in Slytherin.“

 

“All of them,“ Sirius said darkly. “All of them except me.“

 

“But what‘s so bad about it? Not all Slytherins are mean,“ Lily said. She wanted to add something, but the look on Sirius‘s face made her shut up.

 

“It‘s not about that,“ he said. “The Black family is a pure-blood family, and proud of it. They think Muggle-borns are inferior, not worthy to know about magic and shouldn‘t be accepted into Hogwarts. I didn‘t agree with these ideas, and that made me the black sheep of the family. Oh yeah, and my cousin Andromeda as well. She was in Slytherin, though, and so it came as a real shock when she married a Muggle-born last summer,“ Sirius grinned evilly. “She never believed in that pure-blood rubbish either.“ 

 

“So that‘s why you ran away from your family?“

 

“I ran away because I don‘t agree with them and their stupid pure-blood mania. And because I was sick of being beaten black and blue every time I dared to voice an opinion different than theirs.“

 

Lily quickly looked up at him. He was staring in his teacup with an expression of anger mixed with sadness on his handsome face.

 

“But they must love you,“ Lily said in a desperate voice. “They can‘t hate you just because you didn‘t turn out how they wanted you to be-“

 

Sirius let out a mirthless laugh. “Lily, my mother sent me a Howler when she found out that I got sorted into Gryffindor. House of the Muggle-lovers and Mudbloods, she called it.“

 

Lily shivered. “I‘m sorry,“ she said.

 

There was a silence.

 

“You know what, Lily,“ Sirius said finally, “sometimes I wish I were like you. Sometimes I wish everyone was like you.“

 

“What? Why?“ she asked confused.

 

“Because you‘re so unbiased. You treat everyone equally, no matter who their family is. To you, it doesn‘t matter if the person wears a Gryffindor or a Slytherin crest on their robes. As long as they are friendly to you, you are friendly to them. I can‘t do that. I simply can‘t. As soon as I see the Slytherin crest, I am reminded of my family, my damn parents and their sick ideas. That‘s why the Slytherins make me so angry.“

 

Lily simply stared at him. That wasn‘t the Sirius Black she knew. She had never seen him this serious.

 

“So, what about you? What‘s your problem?“ he asked.

 

“I have a problem with my family, too,“ she told him. “I got in a horrible fight with my father last night, because I said some... things to my sister.“

 

“Things?“ he asked. 

 

“Yeah. She‘s a Muggle, you know. I guess that‘s what the whole argument was about. My family are Muggles. I suppose they just don‘t understand me anymore.“

 

“You mean you think that they don‘t understand our world?“ Sirius said.

 

“Yes, that‘s it.“ Lily put her head in her hands.

 

“But you can‘t change that,“ he said. “And they are still your family even though they might not understand your new life.“

 

“I know,“ Lily said frustrated. “And I‘m trying to get along with my sister, I really am. But every time I try to have a civil conversation with her, she just insults me. Sometimes-sometimes I think she hates me.“

 

“But why?“

 

“Because in her eyes, I‘m abnormal,“ Lily said. “Magic is abnormal for her. ‘Freak‘ she calls me...“

 

“But then it‘s her fault,“ Sirius said.

 

“How do you mean that?“

 

“If she doesn‘t want anything to do with you, you can‘t change it,“ he told her. “I know it‘s hard, but you have to accept that she despises your life because she can‘t understand it. You tried to get along with her, and if she doesn‘t want to, you can‘t force her to. It‘s not your fault.“

 

“But still I think it was wrong to say what I told her yesterday.“

 

“What did you tell her?“

 

“That it annoys me how she always snoops around in other people‘s business. She doesn‘t like me, but she likes to know my business,“ Lily said, making a noise that could be either a laugh or a sob. “We got into a fight, and Dad was on her side.“

 

“Oh, I know how you feel,“ Sirius said. “My parents were always on my brother‘s side.“

 

Lily placed her chin on her hands and sighed. 

 

“I don‘t know what to do anymore.“

 

“Maybe you need some distance,“ Sirius suggested, “to...think about everything.“

 

Lily nodded. That was convincing.

 

***

 

Lily stepped out of the fireplace. It was already dark outside. She hoped that neither Petunia nor her father were home. It would make everything easier. She quietly went upstairs and hurried into her room. There she flicked her wand to make everything fly into her trunk. Stepping up to her trunk to look in it, she smiled slightly. It was a mess. _I probably transfered my personality on the spell_ , she thought.

 

She closed the trunk, put her coat on, hung her bag around her shoulder and took the cage with her sleeping owl. Throwing one last look at the room she had lived in since she was born, her eyes became cloudy. This was it. Her childhood was finally over.

 

Lily put the note she had hastily scribbled on her desk. She just couldn‘t explain why she wanted to leave. She would write her father a letter when she found the right words. If she ever found them.

 

Closing her door behind her, she walked down the stairs as quietly as she could. When she was about halfway down, she heard the door to her father‘s study being opened. She closed her eyes.

 

“Lily?“

 

She simply stopped, not turning around. Her father came down the stairs and walked around her so he was standing two steps under her, facing his daughter.

 

“Where did you go to this afternoon?“ he demanded. Glancing at her trunk, he added, “And where do you want to go now?“ 

 

“I went to see Dorcas today,“ Lily said warily.

 

“Didn‘t I tell you that you mustn‘t leave the house?“

 

“It was important,“ she answered.

 

“What was so important?“ he asked.

 

“If you really want to know, her parents were killed,“ Lily replied testily.

 

He stared at her for a few minutes. “And you expect me to believe that?“

 

Lily didn‘t answer. He shook his head, frowning.

 

“I don‘t know what is wrong with you, Lily. First you insult your sister and now you‘re making up stories-“

 

“I didn‘t make it up!“ Lily hissed angrily. There was a silence.

 

“What are you doing with your trunk?“

 

Lily took a deep breath. “I‘m leaving.“

 

“Leaving?“ he asked, staring at her blankly.

 

“I have to go,“ she said. “I swear I will come back some day and explain, but I have to go now.“

 

“What‘s that supposed to mean?“ he shouted. “You cannot leave!“

 

She said nothing, walking around him and down the rest of the stairs.

 

“If you leave now,“ he told her, his voice now desperate, “you won‘t be my daughter anymore!“

 

She slowly turned around. “You‘re not serious.“

 

“I am.“

 

It was quiet for a few moments.

 

“I‘ll come back, I promise,“ she said again. “I‘ll come back and explain everything.“

 

“Your mother would be so disappointed,“ he said.

 

“No,“ Lily said, opening the door and kicking her trunk out with her foot, “she‘d understand.“

 

With that, she followed her trunk outside, closing the door behind her. Dragging her heavy trunk behind her, she opened the gate and closed it behind her.

 

Where am I going to go now? she wondered as she walked down the street. Julie was with her parents in France to visit her family.

 

She leaned against a wall, letting herself slide down to the ground and hugging her legs. The cold December air was creeping through the thin linen of her pants. A few of her neighbours passed by, giving her the evil eye.

 

Then she got an idea. She‘d send Benjy an owl to ask him if she could spend the rest of the holidays at his place. And tonight, she‘d sleep at the Leaky Cauldron.

 

She pulled her wand out, flinging out her right arm. Instantly, a purple triple-decker bus appeared. A young, bored-looking man in a uniform which was as purple as the bus leapt on to the pavement, exclaiming, “Welcome to the Knight Bus-“

 

“Thank you, I know,“ Lily said hastily. “I need to go to London.“

 

“All right, pretty woman,“ he said, winking at her. “Get on the bus, I‘ll take care of your trunk.“

 

She rolled her eyes and boarded the bus, her owl‘s cage still in her hand.

 

“Sit down,“ the young man said, gesturing to one of the beds. She sat down, gripping the bars of the bed to stop herself from flying down as the bus went off again. With her other hand, she rummaged through her bag, looking for money to pay for the ride.

 

“Where to in London?“ the conductor asked her as she handed him the money.

 

“The Leaky Cauldron,“ she answered. The bus gave a jolt and she banged her head against the window behind her.

 

“So, I‘m John,“ the young conductor said, eyeing her lik a wolf would a large piece of meat. “And what‘s you name?“

 

“Alanna,“ Lily answered. Better safe than sorry. She didn‘t want that guy to know her name.

 

“And what do you want in London?“ he asked her, dropping down on the bed opposite her. Lily inwardly rolled her eyes, but then she got an idea.

 

“Oh, I just dropped out of school,“ she told him, gesturing for him to lean closer. He obeyed her, grinning dubiously. She continued in a quiet voice, “ I dropped out of school because I got The Call!“

 

“The Call?“ he asked blankly.

 

“Yes!“ Lily whispered, feigning excitement and joy. “I‘m going to enter a convent and become a nun!“ She grinned inwardly as she saw his dumbfounded expression.

 

“Oh, that‘s-nice for you, Alanna,“ he said hastily. “Listen, I need to check if the other travellers are all right, so-“

 

“Yes, that‘s quite all right,“ she told him. “I‘m going to pray a bit.“

 

He nodded and stalked off. Lily smiled and leaned back on her bed. This trick always worked on guys like that one.

 

“Our next station is the Leaky Cauldron!“ John called out to her after a few minutes.

 

“Great!“ she called back. The bus gave another jolt and Lily, not holding the bed‘s bars anymore, flew through the bus against the opposite window. John threw her a glance and took her trunk. She quickly got out, standing next to her trunk which had been carelessly thrown out by John.

 

“Thank you, brother,“ she said, faking a smile. “May God bless you!“

 

“Yeah, you too,“ he said, getting quickly back on the bus. Lily grabbed her trunk and the cage, walking towards the Leaky Cauldron.

 

It was rather full. Lily threw a glance at the clock in the corner. It wasn‘t even seven. She smiled hopefully. So Benjy would get her owl today already, and maybe she could even spend this night at his place.

 

“Hi, Lily!“ Tom, the barkeeper, greeted her friendly, helping her out off her coat. “What can I do for you?“

 

“I need to wait here for a few hours, maybe even spend the night,“ she answered. “Could you bring me a butterbeer?“

 

“No problem.“ Tom smiled toothily and went off to fetch the drink. Lily opened her trunk and pulled a piece of parchment, a quill and a glass of ink out of it, writing a note to Benjy. Then she turned to open her owl‘s cage. Her crazy eleven-year-old self had called the owl ‘Eleanor Rigby‘, after her favourite Beatles-song.

 

“El, you need to deliver a letter for me,“ she told the owl, who only glared at her. “Come on, Eleanor, or I‘ll change your name into ‘Yellow Submarine‘.“

 

If looks could kill, Lily thought amused as she tied the letter to Eleanor‘s leg, walking out of the pub with the owl on her arm.

 

“Hurry up, please,“ she called as Eleanor flew away. Shivering because of the cold, she went back into the pub, where her warm butterbeer was waiting for her.

 

A few hours later-it was already nearing eleven-Lily decided to tell Tom that she would be spending the night at the Leaky Cauldron. Just as she got up, someone flew out of the fireplace.

 

“Benjy!“ she called, relieved.

 

He got up and walked up to her, hugging her.

 

“What‘s wrong?“ he asked. “And why didn‘t you just come over? You know Mum loves you and would have you at our place anytime.“

 

 

“I thought it‘d be more polite to ask first,“ Lily explained. Benjy snorted.

 

“Since when do you care if something is polite or not?“

She playfully punched his arm. He picked up her trunk, shaking his head.

 

“See you in a minute or two,“ he said, flooing back home. She quickly paid for the butterbeer and followed him.

 

“Mum‘s already asleep,“ he told her when she arrived at his place. They went up the stairs to his room where he had put her trunk.

 

“So what happened?“ he asked, dropping down on his bed and rummaging through the pockets of his jeans. He pulled a packet of tobacco out and began to roll himself a cigarette.

 

“I fought with Petunia,“ she said, sitting down next to him.

“Well, that‘s nothing new,“ he said. “You want one, too?“

 

Lily shook her head and continued, “This time it was different...“ She proceeded to tell Benjy everything about her fight with Petunia and her father. Telling Benjy was somehow easier than telling Sirius. Though Sirius had proven that he wasn‘t the prick she had considered him to be the past six years and had helped her a lot, Benjy knew the past history of Lily and her family because they had been friends since first year.

 

When she had finished, Benjy was quiet for a few moments, apparently pondering about something. Finally, he asked, “Did he hit you before?“

 

“No,“ Lily said. “Never. That‘s not the point anyway. I‘m not even angry about it anymore. I‘m just sad because it‘s another sign how much he has changed.“

 

He nodded. “And now you don‘t want anything to do with him anymore?“

 

“I do want to stay in touch,“ Lily said. “But honestly, I have no idea how to do it. But I promised I‘d come back one day and explain why I left. I need a bit of distance right now.“

 

“Sounds like a good idea,“ Benjy said. “But do you really think that distance can save your and Petunia‘s relationship, too?“

 

Lily put her head into her hands. “No,“ she answered bluntly. “I tried everything, I really did. Everytime we had a row, I would go to her and try to talk to her, because I knew that was what Mum would have wanted me to do. But she didn‘t want to.“ Recalling Sirius‘s words, she added, “That‘s her decision, and I can‘t force her to get along with me if she doesn‘t want to.“

 

They sat a few minutes in silence. Then Lily said quietly, “But I still hope that some day, she will approach me and we will make up, though it‘s not probable.“

 

“And as long as she hates you,“ Benjy said, laying an arm around her, “we can make fun of Vernon without you having a bad conscience. Remember how he walked in on us smoking pot?“

 

Lily burst out laughing despite her misery. With her brightly coloured clothing, head scarves, long-beaded necklaces and her liberal and progressive views-in other words, being the epitome of a hippie-Lily had been Vernon‘s worst nightmare. They had actually gotten into a serious argument about the death penalty. That was before he found out that she was a witch and quit talking to her at all. 

 

“He‘s the most conservative person I‘ve ever met,“ Lily said, shaking her head. “Do you know that he thinks every thief should be executed?“

 

Benjy grinned. “I can imagine.“

 

There was a silence. After a few minutes Benjy asked in a serious voice, “Have you heard about Dorcas‘s parents?“

 

Lily swallowed hard. “Yes. I went to visit her today.“

 

Benjy frowned. “But nobody‘s allowed to see them!“

 

“I met Sirius Black, he was there as a guard this morning, and he helped me get in.“

 

“How is she?“

 

“She‘s feeling horrible.“

 

Benjy sighed.

 

***

 

After having breakfast the next morning, Lily and Benjy went into the town to buy groceries for Benjy‘s mum. They dropped by at a Coffee Shop, having hot cocoa to warm themselves up because it was freezing outside. When they returned home, Benjy‘s mum had a surprise for them.

 

“You‘ve got a guest, he just arrived.“

 

“Who?“ Benjy asked.

 

His mother didn‘t answer, just gestured for them to go inside the living room. When Lily saw who it was, she started.

 

Adam stood by the window, looking out into the garden. When they entered the room, he turned around to look at them.

 

“Hi,“ he said.

 

“Hi,“ Lily answered. Adam looked at Benjy. “I actually came here to talk to Lily.“

 

“No problem,“ he replied. “You can go up into my room.“

 

Adam nodded. Lily and he ascended the stairs in silence. It wasn‘t until Lily closed the door behind them that he said something.

 

“Listen, Lily, I was an idiot, and I‘m sorry.“

 

“It‘s all right,“ she said. She hadn‘t even thought about their fight the last few days.

 

“I behaved like a prat, and there wasn‘t even any reason for it,“ he said.

 

“It‘s okay,“ she said again, taking his hand.

 

He pulled her close to him and kissed her. He backed her slowly towards her mattress, making her lie down on it with him on top of her. 

 

“Adam,“ Lily said breathlessly, breaking away from his kiss, “Adam, do you have a condom?“

 

He just pressed his lips on hers again, rummaging through the back pocket of his trousers.

 

“Got you,“ he mumbled as he pulled the wanted item out of his pocket. With his other hand, he fumbled with the button of her jeans.

 

Lily felt as though something really big was stuck in her throat. She hugged Adam tightly as he undid the clasp of her bra and pushed her softly back onto the mattress. She scrunched her eyes, trying desperately to get the unwanted image that had just flashed before her eyes out of her mind.

 

She shivered. Why didn‘t his kisses make her feel wonderful like usually? Why didn‘t his touch excite her?

 

The answer to these questions was flashing in her mind, but she denied that it was true. She grabbed Adam‘s face, panting.

 

“Look at me,“ she commanded. He gazed at her, his face contorted in lust. Then he closed his eyes, pressing her even more tightly against him. She put her arms around his necks, tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to keep herself from imagining that it was James Potter who was inside her.

 

Adam placed kisses down her neck to her collarbone. Lily wanted to retch, she was so disgusted with herself.

 

“Lily,“ Adam moaned softly into her ear, gripping her auburn locks. “Oh, Lily.“ He came inside her, and then rolled to the side, panting. “Oh God, Lily, I-“

 

He stopped dead when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

“What‘s wrong?“ he asked, horrified. She just sobbed and turned to the side with her back to him, pulling the blanket up around her.

 

“Lily, what‘s wrong? Did I hurt you?“

 

She simply cried into her pillow, ignoring his efforts to find out what was wrong with her.

 

“Lily,“ he said desperately, running his hand softly over her naked shoulder. Lily couldn‘t bear his touch any longer, she gathered her blanket around her, running out of the room to seek refuge in the bathroom. Locking the door behind her, she let the blanket fall to the floor to take a shower.

 

Half an hour later, she descended the stairs after showering and dressing in new clothes. Benjy and Adam were sitting in the living room, conversing. Adam looked at her with sorrowful eyes when she entered the room. She avoided looking at him, still feeling as though the shame she was feeling inside would strangle her any moment.

 

“We have to get her out there,“ Benjy said as Lily said down on the couch opposite her.

 

“Get who out where?“ she asked.

 

“Get Dorcas out of St Mungo‘s,“ he told her. “The Ministry wants her to stay there until school starts again because she has no family left to take her in.“

 

“She will crack up in there!“ Lily said indignantly.

 

“Exactly. Mum‘s trying to get her out off there. But there will probably be new security restrictions, we can visit her.“

 

“What restrictions?“ she asked.

 

“Apparently, you have to fill out a form with personal information, and then you have to take Veritaserum so they can check if the given information is true.“

 

Lily nodded, fumbling with the hem of her green skirt.

 

“Julie and her parents are coming home tonight,“ Benjy continued. “They are needed at the Ministry. Maybe she‘ll come over in the evening.“

 

“That‘d be great,“ Lily murmured.

 

There was a silence which nobody broke for a few minutes. Finally, Mrs Fenwick stepped into the modest living room, smiling faintly as she indicated the three bottles of butterbeer on her arm.

 

“Anybody thirsty?“ she asked.

 

“Thanks, Mrs Fenwick,“ Lily said, taking the bottle that was offered to her. She took a sip, asking Benjy, “Can we go visit Dorcas now?“

 

Benjy nodded, opening his bottle. They both got up, leaving the living room to fetch their coats. Adam followed them, unsure what to do.

 

Lily slipped her coat on and downed the rest of her butterbeer, handing Benjy the empty bottle who carried it into the kitchen.

 

“Lily-“ Adam said, but she cut him off.

 

“Listen, Adam, it wasn‘t your fault. I‘m just-I‘m just not feeling my best at the moment.“

 

_Biggest understatement of the century_ , she thought to herself. He still looked unconvinced.

 

“We‘ll talk about it when we go back to Hogwarts, alright?“ she said, desperate to get away from him and to try to forget her own disgusting behaviour.

 

He sighed heavily. “If you want it that way.“ At this very moment, Benjy exited the kitchen.

 

“Ready to go?“ he asked. They both nodded in agreement, re-entering the living room. Taking a handful of floo powder, Adam turned to look at Lily. He hesitated for a moment, then he quickly pecked her on the lips, and before she knew it, he had flooed home.

 

When they arrived at St Mungo‘s, Lily noticed that a second desk had been put up next to the one of the Welcomewitch. Benjy walked up to it, and Lily followed.

 

“We‘re here to see Dorcas Meadowes. She is a survivor of the Death Eater attack.“

 

The wizard behind the desk, a elderly wizard with a grey beard and barely any hair on his head, nodded and handed each of them a clipboard with a form on it as well as a quill. They quickly filled them out and gave them back to the wizard. He quickly looked if they had answered every question, then he waved his wand and the forms transfigured into paper aeroplanes that quickly flew away.

 

The wizard took a small notebook to his right, leafing through it.

 

“Miss Meadowes is still on the Fourth Floor, Spell Damge,“ he told them. “My collegues will be awaiting you already.“

 

Lily and Benjy walked up the stairs, finally reaching the fourth floor. In front of the two doors with the sign “SPELL DAMGE“ were two guards, and about twenty tables with two chairs each were standing in the hall before the doors. Most of them were occupied.

 

“Miss Lily Evans and Mr Benjamin Fenwick?“ a deep voice asked.

 

“Yes,“ they answered in unison. Two wizards were standing there, each holding a paper in their hands, apparently the form Benjy and Lily had just filled out. The taller wizard with the short, dirty blond hair nodded at Lily.

 

“Come with me, Miss Evans,“ he said. She followed him to one of the tables. He sat down and motioned for her to sit down on the chair opposite him. He gave her a very small bottle he had been holding in his hand until now.

 

“This,“ he said, “is Veritaserum. We need to check if you‘re really who you said you were.“

 

She nodded and emptied the tiny bottle.

 

“First of all,“ he said, glancing at her form, “what is your name?“

 

“Lily Anne Evans,“ she answered. He ticked the first point on her form with a quill.

 

“When were you born?“

 

“May 8th, 1960.“

“Are you working at the time/Are you a student? If yes, where do you work/where do you go to school?“ he asked her, reading the question from the paper.

 

“I am a seventh year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.“

 

“What is your relationship to Dorcas Meadowes?“

 

“She is my best friend, and we‘re in the same house at Hogwarts.“

“Have you ever participated in a movement that was involved with the Dark Arts? If no, are you planning to do so in the future?“

 

“No, I have never taken part in such a movement and I am definitely not planning to do so in the future.“

 

The wizard nodded satisfied and signed the paper.

 

“Miss Evans, if you just would sign this form here,“ he said. Then he pulled out another tiny bottle.

 

“This is the antidote,“ he said. 

 

“Thank you, sir,“ she said, emptying the small bottle.

 

“You may now go to see Miss Meadowes.“

 

She smiled at him and walked over to the doors. The guards stepped aside to let her in. Benjy was already waiting for her inside.

 

They spent the whole day with Dorcas. Mrs Fenwick had given them a large box with food (the food at St Mungo‘s wasn‘t known for its good quality) for Dorcas. After the Aurors had checked if anything was poisoned, they were allowed to give it to her.

 

When the nurse brought dinner, she told Lily and Benjy that they had to go because the visiting hours were over. They said goodbye to Dorcas and left very reluctantly.

 

“Lily,“ Benjy said when they closed the ward‘s door behind them, “I need to go to the loo before we go home. You wait here?“

 

“I‘ll wait by the staircase,“ she told him, pointing discreetly at the guards that were giving them the evil eye.

 

“Right,“ he said, walking off to the toilet. Just as she wanted to open one of the double doors, somebody called her name. She turned around to see who it was.

 

“Oh, hi Sirius.“

 

“How are you?“ he asked, catching up with her and opening the door for her.

 

“I‘m okay. And thanks again for listening to me yesterday, you really helped me.“

 

He smiled. “It‘s quite all right. Did you visit Dorcas?“

 

She nodded. “And you? Are you on duty?“

 

“Yep,“ he replied. “See you, Lily.“

 

“See you,“ she said as he walked over to the desks. Lost in her thoughts, she sauntered over to the door that lead to the staircases. Just as she went through, she bumped into someone. Looking up, she saw a pair of hazel eyes that widened in shock upon seeing her. Before she could say anything, he barked, “Watch where you‘re going!“

 

She flinched. He quickly went through the door. Then Lily saw that he hadn‘t been alone; Peter Pettigrew was standing before her, frowning. When he saw that she looked at him, he tipped his finger against his temple.

 

“Totally crazy, that one,“ he told her. “I‘m thinking about simply leaving him here.“

 

She smiled. He smiled back and followed James through the door. Lily sighed and sat down on the top stair, resting her head on the palms of her hands.

 

_Maybe he only had a bad day_ , she thought, _maybe it‘s got nothing to do with me-_

 

_STOP IT!_ a voice in her head screeched at her. Since when did she care why Potter snapped at her? Since when did she try to justify his behaviour? She used to be perfectly content with telling herself that he picked on her because he was a bloody bastard.

 

“Are you ready to go?“ Benjy asked from behind her, snapping her out of her annoying thoughts.

 

“Yeah,“ Lily said, standing up. “Let‘s go.“

 

***

 

“James, you‘re the most stupid prick I‘ve ever-“

 

“Oh, I know! Will you stop calling me th-“

 

“No!“ Sirius hissed. “If you are in love with a girl, you have to be nice to her! Do you know what that means, nice? It‘s spelled N-I-C-E and it means that-“

 

“I know what it means!“ James said, annoyed. “It wasn‘t my fault! It‘s a reflex! Everytime I see her, I just snap at her! I don‘t know why!“

 

“What‘s wrong?“ Peter asked as he approached them, handing both of them a cup of coffee.

 

“Oh, James just snapped at Lily Evans, and now he realizes that it wasn‘t a very smart move after all because he‘s in love with her-“

 

“Shut up about that!“ James said angrily.

 

“Yeah, it‘s not as if I had known that all along,“ Peter said sarcastically.

 

“Great,“ James mumbled. “If you‘re so clever, then tell me what I‘m supposed to do now!“

 

“Re-consider your tactics, maybe?“ Peter suggested shrewdly.

 

“I‘m just telling you what I told you before,“ Sirius said. “She‘s not going to fall in love with you if you‘re going to continue behaving like a prat.“

 

James sighed, leaning against the wall behind him.

 

***

 

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

 

Everyone seemed to really hate Adam, which kind of surprised me. He's not a bad guy, he's just not the right one for Lily. So don't be so harsh on him, you all know what's going to happen to him.

 

Some people also complained that I didn't bring Peter in. Thanks for telling me, I didn't even notice!  I just don't like him very much (don't we all) and so I kind of forgot him ;-)

 

Now please review!

 

Oh, and here's an extract from chapter 11: 

 

 

_He turned around, and his eyes fell on Lily, who looked shocked; not by the Slytherin‘s words, but by Potter‘s behaviour. He quickly averted his gaze from her and called out, “What are you all waiting for? Don‘t you have classes to attend?“_

 

So, what happened there? *chuckles in a slightly scary way* You'll find out soon!


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_  


  
  
Later that evening, Lily sat in Mrs Fenwick‘s kitchen with Benjy, drinking coffee. Neither of them was speaking, both were lost in their own thoughts. Lily‘s thoughts fluttered to Dorcas, Adam and James (Potter! she scolded herself inwardly) in turns.  


  
It seemed like an eternity to her since she had sat on the floor in a corridor in Hogwarts together with James Potter. So much had happened since then. Yet she remembered it as though it was yesterday, the exciting rush as she felt his breath on her skin which made her close her eyes in anticipation of the kiss that hadn‘t come.

  
  
“And will never come,“ Lily told herself sternly.

  
  
“Huh?“ Benjy asked, looking up at her.

  
  
“Nothing. Just thinking aloud.“

  
  
He nodded, getting lost in his own thoughts again. A few minutes later, he looked up at her again. His eyes were fixed on her throat for a few seconds, then his face broke into a grin.

  
  
“What?“ Lily asked when she noticed his amused looked.  


  
“Lily, you‘ve got a love bite!“ he sang. “Now I know what took you and Adam so long!“

  
  
Lily blushed. Benjy smirked even wider, shaking his head.  


  
Before she could answer, however, someone hugged her from behind, nearly throttling her.  


  
“Hey Lily,“ Benjy‘s older brother said, kissing her on the cheek.  


  
“Julian! You nearly strangled me!“

  
  
Julian grinned and emptied Benjy‘s coffee cup in one gulp, ignoring his brother‘s indignant cry.

  
  
“Want to join me? I‘m going out into the garden for a cigarette,“ he said.

  
  
“Fine by me,“ Lily agreed.  


  
“You‘re outvoted, little bro,“ Julian told Benjy who got up, scowling at him.  


  
“Don‘t call me that.“ 

  
  
Lily shook her head at the two of them. Hell would freeze over the day on which they wouldn‘t bicker. She got up and walked out of the kitchen through the hall and the living room into the garden with Benjy and Julian on her heels. She sat down on one of the chairs that belonged to the garden furniture.  


  
“How‘s work at the moment?“ she asked Julian. He pulled a face.

  
  
“Stressful. The Ministry‘s busy because of the Death Eater‘s attack. And there are already new disappearances.“ He slowly exhaled the smoke. “It‘s getting worse.“

  
  
Lily nodded in approval. At the beginning, it had only happened once or twice a month, a disappearance, or sometimes a death. Nobody had known who was behind it, and so people hadn‘t taken it seriously.    


  
But the time came when people had to face the fact that all these deaths and disappearances were connected to each other, at the latest when Voldemort and his followeres started using the Dark Mark after murdering someone. And now it happend so often, every week, nearly daily. Lily sighed. She didn‘t listen as Benjy and Julian continued talking.  


  
Even though she had never told anybody about this, she was afraid. Everytime she read news about a Muggle-born that had been killed, she had the horrible feeling of being strangled. What if she was next?

  
  
“Lily, you all right?“ Benjy asked, noticing her clenched jaw and her stony expression.

  
  
“Wha-oh, yeah, I am,“ she told him.

  
  
When their concerned gazes still lingered on her, she smiled shakily. 

  
  
“I really am. Don‘t worry.“

  
  
***  


  
The next Sunday, Lily found herself in a compartment at the Hogwarts Express together with Julie, Benjy and Helen. Dorcas would be brought to Hogwarts by some Aurors. How, Lily didn‘t know.

  
  
“Did you hear that Sara Edgecombe won‘t be coming back? And Davey Gudgeon, neither?“ Helen said.

  
  
“What?“  


  
“But they‘re not safer at home than at Hogwarts!“

  
  
“I know, don‘t tell me!“ Helen said. “I bet there are quite a few people who won‘t come back because their parents won‘t want them to.“

  
  
“That‘s stupid,“ Lily said, shaking her head. “Where could we be safer than right under Dumbledore‘s nose?“  


  
“Parents want their children home with them,“ Benjy said.  


  
“What kind of parents would want their child to die with them?“ Lily asked.

  
  
“Lily!“ Julie said. “Don‘t say something like that!“

  
  
“What? It‘s the truth. Not every student that is home now will be so lucky like Dorcas and survive an attack.“

  
  
At this very moment, the train was slowly coming to a halt. The four friends left their compartment.

  
  
***

  
  
The first two weeks of the new term passed quickly. Dorcas‘s state improved, though ever so slightly. Sometimes Benjy and Lily could even make her laugh, though that happened rather rarely.  


  
On the Friday morning in their second week back, Lily and Dorcas were heading to their lessons, Lily to her Ancient Runes lesson and Dorcas to her Muggle Studies lesson.

  
  
“What will you be doing in Muggle Studies today?“ Lily asked her friend.  


  
“Ah, we‘re talking about the Muggles‘ points of view about burning so-called witches on the stake in the Middle Ages.“

  
  
“Oh, how... interesting.“  


  
“Sure,“ Dorcas snorted. “That‘s sick anyway. Burning someone...“

  
  
“Well,“ Lily said jokingly, “we could burn Voldemort, nobody likes him anyway.“

  
  
“Shut up,“ Dorcas said, suddenly furious. “That‘s not funny.“

  
  
“I thought it was.“  


  
“This is not a time for jokes, Lily, all right? This guy is somewhere out there murdering innocent people, and you‘re standing here, making jokes about him!“

  
  
“Well, that‘s what you used to do, too!“ Lily said, her temper flaring up. “You-“  


  
“Yeah, well, now I know how serious this is, okay?“ Dorcas hissed.   


  
“We‘ve known for three or four years now that this is serious and-“

  
  
“Why can‘t you understand?“  


  
To Lily‘s horror, Dorcas was at the verge of tears. She hadn‘t a clue about what to say. After a few moments, Dorcas turned on her heal and stormed away.

  
  
“Dorcas!“ Lily called after her, but she didn‘t turn around. Lily groaned. Great, her best friend was pissed off at her and she didn‘t really understand why. Slowly, she made her way to her Ancient Runes lesson.

  
  
***  


  
Lily stared at the blackboard, cupping her chin with her hand. She listened drowsily to what the teacher had to say, though she didn‘t really get the meaning. Her thoughts were with Dorcas. Of course she understood that the Death Eaters were a sensitive topic for Dorcas, with her parents having been killed just a few weeks ago, but it wouldn‘t do her any good if she let her fear get the better of her.

  
  
“Miss Evans! What did I just say?“ the teacher barked, snapping Lily out of her reverie.

  
  
“Huh?“   


  
“Ten points from Gryffindor,“ the teacher sighed. “Pay attention, Miss Evans.“

  
  
Julie threw her a concerned glance. To Lily‘s relief, the bell rang ten minutes later. She quickly gathered her things and left the classroom in a hurry, heading towards her next lesson, Charms. But then she suddenly bumped into someone.

  
  
“Sorry,“ she mumbled. When she continued walking, the person she had bumped into shouted, “Can‘t you watch where you‘re going?!“ Lily turned around; it was a Slytherin boy in her year.  


  
“I said sorry,“ she said, annoyed. He just sneered at her.

  
  
“I wonder how often I will have to wash my clothes until all the dirt is off,“ he hissed. A lot of people had stopped now; Hogwarts students were always interested in encounters between Gryffindors and Slytherins.  


  
“Dirt?“ Lily asked blankly.  


  
“Don‘t play dumb, you filthy mudblood!“ he shouted at her. There was a silence. Lily was about to think up some answer, when-

  
  
“How dare you-“   


  
James Potter dashed out of the crowd of onlookers, grabbed the Slytherin boy by his robes and pinned him up against the wall.  


  
“How dare you say-“ he seemed as though he was at a loss for words. Seconds passed by, but James didn‘t let go of the boy.

  
  
“Professor?“ a fourth year girl said shyly. The word ‘professor‘ seemed to bring Potter back to his senses. He let go of the Slytherin, staring at him for a few more moments. Then he said harshly, “A week‘s worth of detention and fifty points from Slytherin.“  


  
He turned around, and his eyes fell on Lily, who looked shocked; not by the Slytherin‘s words-they had been horrible, but he hadn‘t been the first one to call her a mudblood-but by Potter‘s behaviour. He quickly averted his gaze from her and called out, “What are you all waiting for? Don‘t you have classes to attend?“

  
  
The students quickly obeyed his order, and so did Lily. What had gotten into Potter? Why had he defended her-

  
  
“So, how did you do it?“

  
  
Lily turned around, fuming. She wasn‘t going to take any more crap today, she had had enough. If anyone was going to annoy her, she would hex them into next month.

  
  
It was Narcissa Black. Oh, joy.  


  
“How did I do what?“ Lily asked, grabbing her wand in her pocket.

  
  
“Well, how did you get Potter to defend you?“ she asked. Then she smirked. “Stupid question, really.“

  
  
“Either say what you mean or get lost,“ Lily hissed.  


  
“He hated you, didn‘t he?“ Narcissa said. “But now, all of a sudden, he had a seizure because someone said the truth. You are a mudblood.“  


  
“Shut your face.“  


  
“Aww, Lilykins is hurt,“ Narcissa sneered. She had adopted that stupid baby voice from her older sister.  


  
“Black, I‘m not in the mood for your crap. Tell me what you want to say, or piss off.“

  
  
“Well, I‘m sure I know the answer... Did you let him fuck you?“  


  
Lily stared. “I beg your pardon?“  


  
“I‘ll take that as a yes,“ Narcissa said, smirking. “I always knew that the Potter family was a bunch of blood traitors. I bet that if his dear parents were still alive, they‘d be proud of the fact that their son has something going on with a mudblood.“

  
  
“Shut up!“ Lily yelled.  


  
“Be a bit more polite, Evans,“ Narcissa leered, “or do you want the rest of the school to find out about that little secret of yours? What would Dumbledore say if he found out that one of his teachers has a affair with the Head Girl?“  


  
“Nothing, because it‘s not true!“ Lily shouted.

  
  
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Evans,“ Narcissa said arrogantly, turning around and walking off. Lily stared after her. Who did that girl think she was, talking crap like this? Slowly, she began walking again, but not to her lesson. She entered a secret passageway, letting herself slide down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Leaning her forehead on her knees, she sighed. Why did everything have to be so messed up?

  
  
“Shouldn‘t you be in class?“ a male voice asked after she had sat there for quite a while. Lily looked up to see James Potter smiling down at her-or at least, she guessed it was supposed to be a smile, because he looked more as though he had a cramp in his jaw.  


  
“I-er-“  


  
He made a gesture with his hand as if to wave away her attempts at explanation, sitting down on the floor opposite her. Lily‘s heart was thumping. What was he playing at?

  
  
Several moments passed in silence. Lily‘s hands closed convulsively in her lap.

  
  
“So... You left home?“ It was no question, but a statement and it took Lily by surprise. What a weird sentence to start a conversation. She only nodded. She should have seen that coming. Sirius Black wasn‘t really good at keeping something a secret.  


  
“I‘m sorry,“ he said.

  
  
“So am I,“ she replied with a mirthless laugh.   


  
James scratched the back of his head. Oh no, now she was looking in another direction. He quickly searched for something to say.

  
  
“Erm-do you want to talk about it?“

  
  
He inwardly groaned. What a stupid thing to say. Lily looked back to him, a confused look on her pretty face.

  
  
“Uh-no, thank you,“ she said eventually.

  
  
“But are you okay?“ James asked, desperate to find something to talk about. “I mean, because of what just happened...“  


  
_Oh yeah_ , Lily thought, _someone called me a mudblood. As if I‘m not used to it. And then you had to come along and play Superman so that everybody thinks we‘re shagging now._

  
  
“Yeah, I‘m all right,“ she said. A few minutes passed in silence with Lily staring stubbornly at the wall and James desperately trying to find a suitable conversation topic.

  
  
_Say something, you idiot!_ his inner voice scolded. _Now, or she‘ll be gone! What d‘you have your brain for?  
_

  
“Shut up, you wanker,“ James muttered under his breath. Lily looked at him in surprise.

  
  
“Pardon?“  


  
“Oh-er, nothing,“ James said hastily. “So, er-“  


  
Before he could come up with something remotely interesting to say, the bell rang. Relieved to have an excuse to get away, Lily stood up, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

  
  
“Well, see you around, then,“ she said, turning to leave.

  
  
“Lily?“ he called. She turned around, raising her eyebrows.

  
  
“I‘m really sorry for snapping at you back at St Mungo‘s.“

  
  
He thought his heart might be doing jolts when she smiled.

  
  
“It‘s okay,“ she said. “Bye, then.“

  
  
James stood there, staring at her retreating back until she had disappeared. Then he turned around, sauntering to his office with an insane grin on his face.

  
  
“She fucking smiled at me!“ he yelled, making a few younger students stare at him confused.

  
  
***

  
  
A/N: So, that was Chapter 11. First of all, I‘m sorry for taking so long. It‘s been five months. Lately, everything in my life has been so messed up and complicated, though I won‘t bother you with any details for the sake of your sanity.  


  
Secondly, I want to thank everyone who reviewed. This feedback is really important to me. Yeah, I know, that‘s what every author says, but it‘s really true. Thanks so much.

  
  
And now I want to answer a few of the questions you asked me in your reviews. Every time someone asks me something, I want to answer, I really do, but I always forget... Sorry!

  
  
A lot of people complained about the Lily sleeping with Adam thing... To me, the way Lily reacted was a good way to show that she‘s developing feelings for James. Somebody said that in their opinion, Lily wouldn‘t sleep with Adam at all. But then again, it‘s just the way I see Lily. Adam and Lily slept with each other before, though it hasn‘t occured in the story yet. Somebody else said that Adam was taking advantage of Lily, which is not true. I should know, I made him up ;-)   


  
So be nice to Adam, you all know what‘s going to happen to him.

  
  
Someone asked me about the development of James‘s feelings for Lily. Well, he had a crush on her back in his fifth year, but when she continued to decline his offers to go out with him, he became angry and started picking on her. He was still in love with her, though he denied it, even to himself. And after he started annoying her, Lily thought that her belief (that he had only wanted to get in her pants) was confirmed.

 

So these are the answers to the questions I remember. If I forgot something, just ask me again.

 

 

By the way, I have a homepage now, the url is http://www.freewebs.com/fairyofthelilies. The site is crappy, but please visit it and sign the guestbook, okay?

 

And last but not least: Please review!! Please! 


	12. Chapter 12

**_Chapter 12_ **

****  
  
_Could it be, could it be that you‘re joking with me_

__  
And you don‘t really see you with me?  


  
-“Ruby“, Kaiser Chiefs

  
  
Lily stood on one of the towers of Hogwarts, letting her eyes travel over the dark grounds, taking in the outline of the mountains and the Forbidden Forest. She lit the third cigarette in a row to avoid having to return to the Gryffindor common room. She didn‘t want to be there, not yet. She didn‘t know what to say to Dorcas, and so she contented herself by trying to think that she‘d know if she had a measurable dose of nicotine in her blood.  


  
Everything was so messed up that she wanted to scream when she thought about it; no, it made her want to run away, far away from this country, away from Adam, Potter, Dorcas, her broken family, the rising of Voldemort. She took another drag at her cigarette, trying to fight the rising panic inside her.  


  
“Miss Evans?“ a voice behind her asked. Lily turned around; it was Professor Vector, the Arithmancy teacher.

  
  
“You really shouldn‘t hang around here too long,“ Vector told her. “You‘ll catch a cold.“

  
  
Lily nodded slowly, stubbing out her fag and slowly making her way to the Gryffindor Tower. When she arrived there, she scanned the crowded room, but no sign of Dorcas, so she went up into their dormitory. The lights were already turned out.  


  
“Dorcas?“ she whispered. No answer. She slowly made her way over to Dorcas‘s bed, but then she stumbled over a trunk and fell to the floor with a loud thud.

  
  
“Bloody hell, I‘m trying to sleep,“ Dorcas hissed.

  
  
“Oh, I‘m so sorry,“ Lily grumbled under her breath as she got up and sat down on Dorcas‘s bed.  


  
“Listen, Dorcas... I‘m sorry if I hurt you before, I didn‘t mean to. I didn‘t know that that joke about Voldemort would get you so down-“

  
  
“It didn‘t get me down, Lily. It‘s just that this whole Voldemort business is really serious and you shouldn‘t be making jokes about him.“

  
  
“I know that it‘s fucking serious. But what good will it do if you let your fear get the better of you? Don‘t you realize that you‘re doing exactly what Voldemort wants you to do?“  


  
“And what exactly am I doing?“ Dorcas asked, her voice cold as ice.

  
  
“You‘re scared out of your wits? That‘s just what he wants! He wants people to be so scared that they can‘t carry on with their lives the way they did before so he can terrorize them all the more-“  


  
“You don‘t understand, Lily,“ Dorcas yelled, “you don‘t understand a fucking thing! I‘ve seen it, all right? I‘ve seen with my own eyes what they‘re capable of. You know nothing! You can‘t grasp how serious this is-“  


  
“I‘m bloody well capable of judging the seriousness of the situation,“ Lily interrupted. “People have been calling me a mudblood for the past six and a half years. Do you think that I don‘t know that the Death Eaters would like to finish people like me off like...like some kind of vermin and that they will do so at every chance they get? Do you think that I don‘t know that I‘d have my wand taken away and be put in a cell in Azkaban or be murdered or tortured into madness if Voldemort and his followers ever took over the Ministry?  Do you know that I sometimes feel so scared that I feel like just running away and never coming back?“  


  
She needed to get out of here; her throat burned. She got up and just left, not caring about where she went; she just wanted to get away.  


  
***

  
  
The next morning, Lily woke up with a terrible headache, her eyes swollen. At first, she didn‘t know why she felt so bad, but then she remembered. She needed to talk to Benjy. After she had dressed, she made her way to the Ravenclaw common room, intending to just wait outside until Benjy or someone who could fetch him for her came out.

  
  
But the first who came out was Adam. Lily had trouble suppressing a groan.  


  
“Hey, are you picking me up for breakfast?“ he beamed.

  
  
“Er, no, I‘m not hungry,“ she said quickly. “I was-er-wondering whether you could fetch Benjy for me?“

  
  
His face fell. “He already left for breakfast.“

  
  
“Oh. Right.“  


  
“Lily, what‘s the matter?“ he asked desperately. “What‘s up with you lately? You‘re avoiding me, you haven‘t talked to me since three weeks-“  


  
_Now or never_ , Lily told herself. _Just end this crap and you‘ll have one problem less._  
  
Lily wanted to slap herself for thinking that because it wasn‘t Adam‘s fault, but she just couldn‘t do this anymore.  
  
“Adam- I‘m-I‘m really sorry, but I have to end this.“  
  
“End what?“ he asked after a moment.  
  
“Us.“  
  
There was a long silence, which Adam eventually broke.  
  
“You‘re not serious.“  
  
“I am. I‘m sorry.“  
  
“Fine,“ Adam said, looking suddenly furious. “Bye, then.“  
  
“Adam, stay here!“ Lily called after him. “Let‘s talk about this in peace.“  
  
“I‘m not interested, thanks“, he called coldly over his shoulder before he turned the corner and vanished from her sight. Lily wanted to cry out; another person she had hurt.  
  
She slumped down on the floor, an uncomfortable feeling filling the pit of her stomach. What the hell was going on in her life?  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**_Chapter 13  
_ **

  
  
Lily turned the page of her textbook, sighing heavily. It was March, and her exams were coming closer and closer. Everyone in seventh year was becoming testier as the amount of work they had to do grew ever bigger. Plus, Dorcas refused to talk to her since their argument two months ago. Lily missed her friend terribly.

  
  
“A bit on the nervy side, are you?“ a voice behind her asked. Lily turned around to see James Potter standing there. She tried to smile; she and Potter had been on rather good terms the past three months. Potter had stopped giving her detention for every little thing and they had started to greet and smile at each other when they met. In comparison to before, it was like being best friends. Lily was glad about it; it made life less stressful, though she tried to fight the strange feeling that overcame her every time she met Potter.  


  
“Kind of, yeah,“ she said, indicating the staple of books in front of her. “Exams are coming.“  


  
He didn‘t say anything, just cocked his head to one side and gazed at her. Lily, who felt uncomfortable under his stare, turned back to her textbook. After a few moments, she heard Potter leave the library. Lily released the breath she hadn‘t realized she‘d been holding. There had been many of these strange, uncomfortable silences during the last twelve weeks. She laid her head on her book and closed her eyes, fighting the feeling that rose inside her again. She couldn‘t like Potter, she just couldn‘t. It was not possible.

  
  
If she could just talk to Dorcas.  


  
***  


  
The next day, Lily had to hurry to come to her DADA lesson in time. She had stayed behind after Charms to talk to Professor Flitwick and had become very engaged in the conversation. She was just running up the stairs when she heard Professor McGonagall call her name.  


  
She turned around, surprised.

  
  
“Miss Evans, could I have a word with you?“ she said in a surprisingly gentle voice.  


  
“Er-I‘m already running late for my next lesson,“ Lily said, pointing in the direction of Potter‘s classroom.  


  
“Professor Potter has been notified that you won‘t attend his lesson today,“ McGonagall replied. “Please follow me.“  


  
Lily did as she was told, frowning. What had happened?  


  
Professor McGonagall, it turned out, led her to Dumbledore‘s office. By now, Lily was trying desperately to figure out what could be so important that Dumbledore had to talk to her. She hadn‘t broken any rules, at least not rules that were so important that the headmaster himself had to punish her.

  
  
“Chocolate frogs,“ Professor McGonagall said, tearing Lily out of her thoughts. The stone gargoyle in front of Dumbledore‘s office jumped to the side, and McGonagall entered with Lily on her heels. Up the spiral staircase they went; in front of the door Lily was reduced to a bundle of nerves.  


  
“Come in,“ Dumbledore‘s calm voice said as soon as McGonagall had knocked. The door swung open to reveal the headmaster. His face looked troubled.

  
  
“Sit down, Lily,“ he said kindly, indicating the chair opposite him. Lily obeyed, throwing a questioning look as she did so.  


  
Dumbledore sighed heavily before he spoke. “I understand that your mother has died five years ago. Is that right, or am I mistaken?“  


  
“No, it‘s true,“ Lily said, having a foreboding now. She swallowed hard.

  
  
“Lily... I have the unpleasant duty to tell you that your father died in a car crash last night.“  


  
The effect of Dumbledore‘s words were the same as if he had put her hands around her neck and strangled her.  


  
“I‘m truly sorry.“  


  
“I have to go,“ Lily said, getting up hastily. She didn‘t recognize the voice that came out of her mouth at all.

  
  
“Lily-“ McGonagall and Dumbledore said at the same time, but Lily had already run out of the office, down the staircase, away from them. She didn‘t want to see any more, to hear any more. She just wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere where nobody would tell her terrible things, things she didn‘t want to hear. The Astronomy Tower-it was sure to be deserted. Students weren‘t allowed to be there, unless they had Astronomy there at night.

  
  
Lily sat down in a corner of the Tower, pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her face in her hands. She started crying at once, unable to hold back the sobs anymore.

  
  
She hadn‘t meant for it to happen like this; she had run away from home in the awareness that she‘d be able to come back sometime and make it all right again. But now it was too late for that.  


  
Somewhere far away, the bell rung, indicating the end of the lesson. The sound of students bustling through the castle was to be heard.  


  
She didn‘t want to stay up here; it was way too cold. She decided to go to her dormitory, it was sure to be deserted right now. Throwing her bag over her shoulder and pulling her cloak tighter around her, she slowly descended the stairs.  


  
Not even one minute after she left, James Potter dashed around the corner and ran up the stairs, panting heavily as he did so. In front of the door he took a few deep breaths to compose himself. Then he carefully opened the door and entered.  


  
She was gone. He had been so bloody sure that she would be here; when he had started to like her back in his fifth year, he had often watch the dot called Lily Evans on the Marauder‘s Map ascending the stairs to the Astronomy Tower and sometimes sitting up there for quite a long time.  


  
“Fuck!“ he yelled, slamming his fist against the doorframe.  


  
***  


  
Lily lay in her bed, staring up at the canopy. In the bed next to her, she could hear Dorcas even breathing. She had not talked to her, hadn‘t told her because even if she wanted to, she could not find the right words.

  
  
Lily felt numb, she felt as though an icy layer had been laid around her heart, with the despair under it occasionally breaking out, making her unable to speak, to move, to even think. 

  
  
On her bedside table lay a notice from Dumbledore she had received earlier that evening, saying she was to appear in his office the next day at nine a.m. to be send to her father‘s funeral. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought of it.  


  
***  


  
The next morning, Lily had a pounding headache. She let cold water flow out of the tub in the bathroom and held her head under it while she massaged her swollen eyes.

  
  
“Oh.“

  
  
Lily looked up to see Dorcas standing there, watching her with a mixture of bewilderment and uneasiness on her face.  


  
“What‘s up with you dressed all in black? Aren‘t you going to classes?“ she asked.

  
  
That was when the icy layer finally broke completely, letting her emotions run wild.

  
  
“He‘s dead, Dorcas,“ she finally managed to get out. “He‘s dead.“  


  
“Who‘s dead?“ Dorcas asked quietly, biting her lip.  


  
“Dad.“ Lily‘s voice came out as a squeak, as she felt as though she was being strangled. She couldn‘t stand it anymore, she felt as though this room was way too small for her to be in. She walked away quickly, leaving the bathroom, the dormitory, the Gryffindor Tower because being in a room with Dorcas and not being able to talk to her was killing her.

  
  
She walked through the corridors, oblivious to her surroundings. Every now and then she bumped into another student, though she not really heard the remarks that were thrown into her direction. And so she also continued walking as she heard someone yelling her name. When the person didn‘t stop, she turned around and called out testily, “What d‘you want? I don‘t have time to-oh.“

  
  
James Potter was striding up to her. _Always in the right place at the right time, isn‘t he?_ Lily thought sarcastically.  


  
“Lily,“ he said when he had reached her, “Lily-I heard and-“  


  
“So what?“ she spat out. She felt horrible enough already. Potter always made her feel nervous, confused, and she didn‘t need that right now, thank you very much.

  
  
He frowned, bewildered. “Lily, I-“  


  
“Save it, Potter,“ she hissed, “I don‘t need and I don‘t want anything from you, so just bugger off and leave me alone, all right?“

  
  
“No-don‘t go-wait a moment-“

  
  
“Why should I?“ Lily turned around to go, but James held her by her arm.  


  
“Let me go!“ Lily yelled, trying to free her arm, but Potter, who was now getting angry as well, was way too strong for her. And then a lot of things happened very fast.  


  
Desperate to get away from Potter, she slapped him across the face. She saw his eyes widen in pain and surprise, but a second later he pushed her away from him with all his force and yelled hatefully, “Why do you always have to be such a bloody bitch?“ She moaned as she slammed against the wall behind her. And the next thing she knew was that her face was tightly clasped in his hands and his lips were furiously kissing hers. He was pressing her against the wall with his body and his grip on her face was like the one of a vice, as if he was afraid that she might try to get away again.   


  
But getting away was the last thing Lily thought of right now. His kiss was blissful oblivion and the only thing that mattered right now. But when they pulled away to gasp for breath, reality hit her.   


  
“Why are you messing with me, Potter?“ she panted, resting her head against the wall.  


  
“I‘m not messing with you,“ he answered calmly, staring down at her. She was trembling. When she took a step forward, Potter seized her upper arms and pressed her against the wall.  


  
“No,“ he said firmly. “You stay here.“  


  
“What do you want?“ she screamed out in frustration. “Do you think I‘m stupid? Do you think I don‘t know the reason you‘re doing all this?“

  
  
“What is the reason, in your opinion?“ he asked.  


  
“Because I‘m the only girl in seventh year you haven‘t fucked-and don‘t pretend otherwise! You‘ll get to shag me when hell freezes over, so stop that act right now!“  


  
“Shut your face!“ he yelled. “Shut it, ‘cause you don‘t know what the fucking hell you‘re talking about. And it‘s not exactly as though you‘re Virgin Mary, either.“  


  
“At least I‘m not playing with people,“ Lily said coldly.  


  
James let go off her, stepped back and shot her a look that was nothing short of pure hatred.  


  
“If that‘s what you think of me, you don‘t know me at all. And now piss off.“

  
  
“What?“  


  
“Are you dense? Fuck off! You desperately wanted to leave five minutes ago, so what‘s the matter now? Just get out of my fucking sight, before I do something I‘ll regret later.“

  
  
“Fuck you, Potter,“ Lily said coldly, turning around and storming away. As soon as she had turned the corner, James leaned against the wall, slid down to the floor and put his head in his hands, sobs racking his whole body.

  
  
***

  
  
“Come in, Lily,“ Dumbledore‘s calm voice said before Lily had even knocked. She entered, always keeping her gaze on the floor. Dumbledore always made you feel as if he could see right into your thoughts in feelings, and that was the last thing Lily wanted right now.

  
  
“How are you feeling?“ Dumbledore asked, observing her carefully.

  
  
“Okay,“ Lily lied.  


  
Dumbledore heaved a sigh and got up, “I‘m going to send you home via Portkey, Lily. It will take you back to your dormitory at seven o‘ clock sharp.“  


  
“Seven o‘ clock,“ Lily repeated, nodding her agreement. He put a very old and very battered wizard‘s hat on his desk and pulled a watch out of his clock. “Thirty seconds. Touch the hat, Lily.“  


  
Lily closed her hand around the hat and prepared for the jerking sensation under her navel.  


  
“And Lily-“  


  
She looked up at him questioningly. Oh shit. He was looking directly in her eyes, and she was feeling as if he could see everything that had just happened.  


  
“Love is the only thing that can help us through hard times. Don‘t be afraid of it, Lily. Everything we give to others will eventually come back to us.“  


  
Before Lily could answer or ask what he meant, the familiar jerk came and a few seconds later, she landed face down on the carpet in her room at home. She got up and looked around; everything looked like it had when she had left the room three months before, only much dustier.  


  
“I‘m telling you, Vernon, I heard something!“ Lily cringed at her sister‘s shrill voice. Anxiously she listened to Petunia getting up the stairs and closed her eyes just as she tore the door open.  


  
“You!“ Petunia spat out incredulously. “What are you doing here?“  


  
Lily re-opened her eyes. “It was my father, too, Petunia.“  
  


“No,“ Petunia said spitefully. “Not anymore. Not since you ran away.“  


  
“I didn‘t run away.“  
  


“What do you call it, then?“  


  
Lily swallowed, speechless. After a moment or two, Petunia shook her head and went back downstairs. Not knowing what else to do, Lily followed.  


  
“So what was it, Pe- oh.“ Vernon stared at Lily with a mixture of loathing and fear.   


  
“We‘re leaving now,“ Petunia said, downing her cup of tea. “Are you finished?“ she shot at Lily.  


  
“Yeah,“ Lily answered wearily. The walk to the church was not very long, but Petunia kept shooting scathing looks at Lily, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable with every second that passed by.  


  
The funeral was horrible. The priest talked hours and hours about living on after death and how kind God was. Yeah right, Lily thought. And where is God when you really need him?  


  
The funeral obsequies took place in a restaurant Petunia had chosen. A lot of people where there, though Lily didn‘t know most of them.   


  
Three long hours later, Lily excused herself from a incredibly boring conversation Petunia was having to go to the bathroom. There she splashed her face with cold water and regarded her pale face. The sound of someone flushing the toilet was to be heard, and a second later, Vernon‘s sister Marge emerged.  


  
“Oh. It‘s you,“ she grunted.  


  
“Marge. A pleasure like always,“ Lily said sarcastically.  


  
“So they let you out?“ she asked, a slight slur in her voice. Lily pulled a face. Getting drunk at a funeral. How tasteful.  


  
“Who let me out? What do you mean?“ she asked.  


  
“Don‘t play dumb, Lily,“ Marge said, and she looked as though she was thoroughly enjoying herself. “I know all your dirty little secrets, Petunia told me. Drugs, polygamy, theft... until your father send you off to that boarding school up north. Pretty good man. I would have disowned you and thrown you out.“  


  
Lily stared at Marge‘s fat, red face, unable to speak. Marge apparently found pleasure in Lily‘s appalled face, because she went on, her little eyes flickering over Lily‘s stony expression.  


  
“Knew it from the first moment on. When I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were rotten to the bone. Little slut. I already know how you‘ll end up: a lot of children, and you probably won‘t even know who their fathers are. Excessive drinking. You‘ll be on welfare, of course. It‘s people like you that decent people pay taxes for!“  


  
Lily turned around and stormed out of the toilet. Her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for Petunia. She was talking to someone whom Lily recognized as a colleague of her father‘s. She went over and tipped on Petunia‘s shoulder.  


  
“We have to talk.“  


  
Petunia shot her a black look. “I‘m talking.“  


  
“It‘s important,“ Lily said. She smiled excusingly at the man Petunia had been talking with. “If you‘ll excuse us.“  


  
“What are you playing at?“ Petunia hissed as soon as they were outside the restaurant.  


  
“Why have you been telling lies about me?“  


  
“What do you mean?“ Petunia asked indifferently.  


  
“Marge told me what you said! So I‘m a slut, a drug addict and a thief?“  


  
Petunia didn‘t answer.  


  
“Why? Why, Petunia?“  


  
“Keep your voice down!“ Petunia hissed. “Or people will hear you!“  


  
“I don‘t care!“ Lily yelled. “Let everyone know that everything they heard about me is a lie.“  


  
“What else could I have said?“ Petunia retorted. “The truth? That my sister is a-“  


  
“I am not a freak,“ Lily said quietly. Petunia was silent.  


  
“I simply have different abilities than you, Petunia. It‘s nothing bad or horrible. Remember how you wanted to go to Hogwarts yourself-“  


  
“Shut up, Lily!“  


  
There was a silence.  


  
“I don‘t want to have anything to do with that nonsense,“ Petunia said eventually.  


  
“And therefore, me?“ Lily asked.  


  
Petunia‘s look made her answer clear.  


  
“Don‘t you care at all?“ Lily asked desperately. “Don‘t you care for me? Not even a little bit? What if I died? Would you care?“  


  
“Do you want to blackmail me, or what? Are you going to commit suicide if I don‘t do what you want me to do?“  


  
Lily rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Petunia, you know what‘s going on in my world. I know you‘ve read my newspapers-no, don‘t interrupt me,“ she said quickly when she saw Petunia open her mouth. “So you know about Voldemort and what he wants to do. I could be dead in a few weeks‘ time.“  


  
“So?“ Petunia asked coldly.  


  
“So you don‘t care?“  


  
Petunia didn‘t look Lily in the eyes as she said, “No, I don‘t care.“  


  
Lily turned around on her heel and headed home.  


  
***  


  
Lily paced up and down in her room, glancing at the clock every five seconds. Finally, one minute until seven. She grabbed the old hat and took a deep breath. She heard the front door being opened and closed downstairs.   


  
“Goodbye, Tuney,“ she said quietly as the Portkey jerked her away.  


  
This time, she landed on her bed in Hogwarts. She chucked the hat carelessly next to her bed.  


  
“Lily?“  


  
She turned around to see Dorcas standing there.  


  
“Lily... I‘m so sorry.“  


  
The next second, Lily was in her arms and she clung to Dorcas as if she‘d be lost until the end of time if Lily would ever let go.

 

 

A/N: Uah, finally finished! I wrote two thirds of this chapter in the last two hours. I hope you guys like it, it's not really like it was planned, I just wrote what popped into my head. If it's crap, please tell, 'cause then I'll try to re-write it. So, please review!  


 

By the way, check out my site _freewebs.com/fairyofthelilies_   Sign the guestbook! 


	14. Hold on to your kite

_**Chapter 14**_  


  
The Hogwarts Express slowed down and finally came to a halt. The few students who had decided to return home at Easter piled out, dragging their luggage behind them. The last ones to leave Platform Nine and Three Quarters were three Seventh years, two girls and a boy.  


  
“Benjy! It‘s good to have you back!“ Mrs Fenwick exclaimed, hugging her son tightly. “Lily! Dorcas!“

  
  
“Thanks for inviting us over, Mrs Fenwick,“ Lily said.  


  
“Please, Lily! You know you and Dorcas are always welcome at our home!“  
  


They used a Muggle bus to get to the Leaky Cauldron. Mrs Fenwick chatted away about the ghoul that lived in the basement while Lily‘s eyelids began to droop.  


  
When she awake, she was lying on Benjy‘s bed. Dorcas was lying next to her, reading a bok. From the sky outside Lily could tell that it had to be about seven p.m.  


  
“Oh, you‘re awake,“ Dorcas said. “You fell asleep on the bus. Benjy had to carry you home.“  


  
Lily wasn‘t surprised-that had happened to her quite often in the last few weeks because she had difficulties sleeping at night. Her thoughts always revolved around her father, Petunia and James Potter. She sighed.  


 

“Are you all right?“ Dorcas asked.  


  
“I have to tell you something that happened before I went to Dad‘s funeral,“ Lily said, rubbing her eyes. She then proceeded to tell her everything that had happened between her and Potter in that hallway.  
  


After Lily had finished, there was a silence. Finally, Dorcas said, “I thought so.“  


  
“What d‘you mean?“ Lily asked, bewildered.  
  


“You have been skipping Defence Against the Dark Arts ever since the funeral,“ Dorcas said, smirking. “So I thought something might have happened. Something different than the usual ‘I hate you Potter, you‘re an asshole!‘-‘Detention, Evans.‘ Especially since you two were on rather good terms the three months before. So, what are you going to do now?“  


  
“I want him to stop messing me around,“ Lily said.  


  
“Messing you around?“ Dorcas questioned. “I don‘t know James Potter very well, but I don‘t think he‘s messing you around.“  


  
“What‘s he doing then?“ Lily said.  
  


“Oh, I don‘t know, ask him!“ Dorcas replied impatiently. “I‘m not Potter‘s brain, am I? All I‘m saying is that I think Potter had a reason to kiss you and that he wasn‘t thinking, ‘Oh, there‘s Evans, I‘m bored, so I‘ll go and hurt her‘.“  
  


“And what makes you think that?“ Lily inquired.  
  


“Dunno,“ Dorcas replied casually. “I need to go to Diagon Alley next week... you coming with me?“  
  


“Now that was a very subtle way of changing the topic,“ Lily said sarcastically.  
  


“Yeah, well, what am I supposed to say?“ Dorcas said. “I can‘t tell you, can I? You just have to go and talk to Potter.“  
  


“It‘s not that easy, Dorcas.“  


  
“Yeah, because you‘re making it difficult,“ Dorcas answered.  


  
Lily sighed heavily.  


  
***  


  
Lily put the book she had been leafing through back on the shelf and took out another one. She was looking for a book that could help her with Transfiguration. After looking through the other one, she nodded satisfied. It seemed rather good. She went to the till to pay. When she was bout to leave Florish&Blotts, a middle-aged wizard in a green cloak stormed in.  


  
“Death Eaters!“ he yelled. “Death Eater attack! We have to barricade ourselves in!“  


  
Panic flooded Lily. She took a few steps backwards, but then she remembered Dorcas.  


  
“Fuck!“ she yelled and stormed towards the door.  


  
“No-miss, you have to stay here!“ the wizard in the green cloak called out to her.  


  
But Lily had already left the store, hurrying down the street. Curses were flying everywhere. The Aurors had already arrived and engaged in a furious battle with the Death Eaters.  


  
“Where are you going, young lady?“ one of the Death Eaters screamed, sending a curse flying her way. Lily ducked and shouted, “Impedimenta!“ The curse hit the masked man straight in the chest. Lily got up again and proceeded to run, ducking curses as she went. The apothecary where Dorcas wanted to buy some potion ingredients was already in sight-  


  
“Catch her!“ she heard someone shout, and the someone got hold of her hair and pinned her up against the wall.  


  
“Oh, Crabbe, see who we‘ve caught... Severus‘s little mudblood friend,“ her attacker said with obvious glee in his voice.  


  
“I guess Dumbledore will have to look for a new Head Girl, then,“ Crabbe replied, chuckling. “Finish her off, I bet Severus will be thankful. He must be so embarassed that he used to hang out with her...“  


  
“I‘ll do it the muggle way, it‘s much more fun,“ the other one said, and now Lily recognized the voice.   


  
“Mulciber!“  


  
“That‘s right,“ Mulciber cackled. Then he muttered a spell, and suddenly Lily‘s body seemed to be glued to the wall, and Mulciber put his hands around her neck and began to strangle her.  


  
Lily was terrified, she tried to break the spell, but the lack of air weakened her. Rasping sounds came out of her mouth-  


  
“Get your fucking hands off her, you wanker!“  


  
And then a man tore Mulciber away from her and punched him right in the face. The sound that resulted from this made Lily want to be sick. The spell on her was lifted and she slumped to the floor, coughing and gasping for her.  


  
“Are you OK?“ her rescuer asked, grabbing her upper arms and lifting her up.  


  
“Sirius...“  


  
She swayed on her feet.   


  
“Go and hide, Lily! Hurry up!“  


  
“I cant‘t, I have to look for Dorcas!“  


  
“She‘s been evacuated, and you better join her!“  


  
A curse was flying their direction and Lily parried it, immediately fighting back, because she was attacked by three Death Eaters at once. Sirius came to her aid.  
  


“Now that‘s nice,“ one of the Death Eaters shouted, sending a curse. “A blood traitor and a mudblood!“  


  
“Stupefy!“ Lily yelled, and this time she hit him, but his curse made Sirius fly head first into a wall. A crunching noise was to be heard.  


  
“Sirius!“ Lily screamed, unattentive for a second, which proved to be a mistake, as she, too, was sent flying backwards. She landed on her back, groaning as her head hit the ground.  


  
“Goodbye, mudblood,“ she heard the Death Eater say. “Crucio!“  
  


Lily screamed, screamed like she had never done before, and somewhere in the distance, she could hear the Death Eaters laugh-  


  
“Bleed to death, bitch,“ he said as he lifted the curse and flicked his wand. And Lily screamed again because her right arm felt as though someone had sliced it open with a knife. And then her arm started to feel hot and sticky; Lily could feel her blood drenching her sleeve and running into the hollow of her hand as consciousness began to leave her...  


  
She was dying and she knew it, but it wasn‘t nearly as terrifying as she had always thought it would be. On the contrary, living on seemed more terrifying than dying.  
  


Then she felt how someone shoved their arm under her neck and pulled her up against them, and Lily knew it was Dorcas. Her best friend had come to stand by her in her last moments.  
  


“Dorcas... you know I love you, right?“ she said, slurring her words. She tried to open her eyes, but failed. Her eyelids felt incredibly heavy.  


  
“Say goodbye to everyone frome me,“ she continued mumbling. “And tell Potter-tell him that I‘m sorry, so sorry.“  
  


The arms holding her twitched violently as she said this, but they didn‘t let her go. She heard a spell being muttered. The blood seeping out of the wounds on her arm seemed to become less, and her mind a bit clearer. This time, she managed to open her eyes, but instead of Dorcas brown, warm eyes, she saw a pair of black eyes, unreadable, like dark tunnels. A pair of eyes she had thought she‘d never see again.  
  


“So you joined them?“ was everything she managed to get out. “You really joined them?“  
  


“OI!“ one of the Death Eaters shouted. “We have to leave right now! Get- what are you doing with the mudblood?“  


  
“I just checked if she was really dead,“ Snape replied calmly. He lied Lily carefully back down and then he was gone. Lily‘s eyelids began to droop again; Snape‘s spell had helped a bit, but now it was getting worse again. She knew she should try to keep her eyes open if she wanted to survive, try to stay awake, but she closed her eyes and let the darkness overcome her, aware that she was walking right in Death‘s welcoming arms, but not really caring anymore.  
_  
_

_“Bloody bastards,“ James said hatefully. “Are you sure you‘re OK?“  
_

__  
“Yeah,“ Sirius, who was holding an ice pack to his head, replied groggily. “You can go and help.“  


__  
James nodded and went to join the Aurors who were looking for the injured and the dead. His insides clenched. The Death Eaters had killed everyone who got in their way, even a few little children. He helped where he could, carrying the dead and the injured into the Leaky Cauldron where Healers had already arrived. Those who had serious injuries were brought to St Mungo‘s.  
  


_He hurried up and down Diagon Alley to look for the victims. Suddenly, he heard desperate sobs coming out of a small side street. Immediately, he hurried to the see what the source of it was. He startled when he saw Dorcas Meadowes, trying to revive one of the victims, her face streaked with tears and a huge pool of blood on the ground._  
  


_And then he saw who had been attacked. The scream that left his mouth didn‘t sound like something a human being could produce, didn‘t sound like something any living being could produce.  
_

__  
Dorcas looked up, terrified, but he paid no attention to her.  
  


_“Lily!“ he yelled, slumping down on the ground next to her, not caring that he was kneeing in her blood. Her face was as white as a sheet, but she looked strangely, no, frighteningly at peace... as if she had already left this world-left him. “LILY! No... please...“  
_

__  
With shaking hands, he tried to feel her pulse.  
  


_“She‘s alive,“ he whispered. Dorcas sighed, relieved. He put one arm under Lily‘s neck and the other one under her knees and picked her up. Then he Apparated to St Mungo‘s._  
  


_“A Healer! Hurry up!“ he yelled. The Healers looked at him dumbfounded, but they reacted quickly. Lily was laid on a stretcher and carried away. James wanted to go with her, but he wasn‘t allowed to.  
_

__  
He looked after her as the Healers brought her away. This might have been the last time he had seen her. At this thought, he felt as though his inner organs had been ripped out. He looked down on his body; his hands and his clothes were covered in Lily‘s blood. People were staring at him, but it didn‘t matter. What if Lily really died?  
  


_I was there, he thought, I could have helped her.  
_

__  
Tears spilled from his eyes. If Lily really died, he didn‘t know if he could live on.  



End file.
